Perspectives
by InsaneBovine
Summary: There is something to be said about learning the other side. An offworld antistress holiday becomes anything but for Liz and John when they find ruins of an Ancient civilisation.
1. In a galaxy not all that far away

**Disclaimer **The characters and entire Stargate Universe are not mine... unfortunately

First of all apologies to those who were reading "Just a Little Problem" that muse has yet to return from holidays... but maybe during these holidays I'll be able to string together something for that... however, this story is already finished and Beta-ed (thanks Jaymi!!) so I'll put up the new chapters as soon as possible (I'll try and update it at least once a week)... oh and there are some spoilers... late season two throughout the story, it's set just before "Michael". Anyways it is Sparky (which becomes apparent later on) and please, PLEASE enjoy it (in my defence the premise for this story came to me at about 3am in the morning).

Anyways I have rattled on long enough and so without any more ado I give you the first chapter of "Perspectives" (PS. SUBTLE HINT - - - PLEASE REVIEW!!!)

**Perspectives**

_Chapter One – In a galaxy not all that far away_

The brilliant blue of the Stargate broke into its usual fractured nothingness as it disengaged behind one Doctor Rodney McKay. As per usual he wasn't listening to any of the small talk that was occurring around him but deeply immersed in the readings that his hand held energy reader was churning out.

Nothing.

Zip.

Nada.

Boring.

McKay sighed. He hadn't expected anything. For all intents and purposes this planet was uninhabited and, apart from the 'gate not one other building, primitive or otherwise, had been found on their last journey there. The planet was however what McKay could almost call pretty, if pretty was a scientific term and he could get away with saying it. The lush foliage of the trees went on for miles, only edging around the river that wound its way throughout the forest.

This prettiness was actually the reason for their visit. McKay glanced over to the other reason.

Doctor Elizabeth Weir very rarely went off world. It was her belief that as leader of the Atlantis expedition her role was to ensure Atlantis stayed safe and that any team that got in trouble off world was found by the safest route possible. Some would say Elizabeth's job was a dream job, others would say it would be a nightmare. Elizabeth was content with it, but it seemed that stress, however she tried to hide it, was catching up with her. It was just after they had nearly lost several ancient gene baring members of their team that Carson Beckett, the resident doctor, had decided that enough was enough.

'_Carson, I've told you I'm fine.'_

'_Which is why you have just poured tomato sauce into your orange juice?'_

_Elizabeth looked at her glass and sure enough the thick sauce sat swirling in her drink. _Damn it._ She opened her mouth to make an excuse._

'_And don't even think to try and say that you were making a bloody Mary or something and knew what you were doing.'_

_Elizabeth shut her mouth as John Sheppard, the head military officer sat down next to her. He contributed to her downfall by adding:_

'_You also called Major Lorne "Lieutenant" yesterday. It gave him a bit of a scare. He thought he'd been demoted while he was off world.'_

'_I did?' _God, I can't even remember doing that.

'_That's it Elizabeth, I've been patient long enough –'_

'_Carson I'm fine.'_

'_No you're not love. I've seen enough random acts of insanity coming from you over the past couple of years, but this last week you have barely come out of your office. This is the first time I've seen you eat something that apparently is nutritious all week.' Carson was still dubious about the actual food content in some of the dishes served by the commissary. He turned to Colonel Sheppard, 'John, you found that lovely little planet didn't you. The one with the trees.'_

'_I've been to lots of planets with trees on Beckett.'_

'_I meant that one you went to just before this incident with the Genii.'_

'That_ planet with the trees. And not much else.'_

'_Aye. Well I'm pulling rank and telling you that you and Elizabeth, and who ever else of your team wants to escort her, are going to that planet where you will stay until Elizabeth can realise that she is actually pouring three tablespoons of sugar into her coffee without someone telling her.'_

_Elizabeth suddenly swore as she realised that she had been holding the sugar pourer over her coffee cup and nearly its entire contents was now congealing on the bottom of her cup. Maybe Carson was right. She needed a break. But like hell she was going to go down without a fight._

'_Three days.' She told Carson firmly. The Scot however was just as stubborn as she was when he wanted to be._

'_Twelve.'_

'_Four.'_

'_Ten.'_

'_Eight.' Carson gave her a look. 'Fine. Nine.' Shaking his head in resignation, Carson agreed. He turned to Sheppard. 'Regular check-ins and all that, if someone gets hurt mildly I'll come to you. Only if there is a life threatening situation are you allowed to come home. I'll tell Caldwell the situation and keep tabs on him. He won't be doing anything untoward whilst you are gone.'_

That was a week ago. Now Doctor Weir was being _babysat_, she hated that word; she didn't need to be looked after like a kid, on this planet. She wanted to be upset that Carson had finally hit her over the head with the book. However she knew that Carson was genuinely concerned for her and she had always loved the clear air that came with a forest.

'What do you think?' John broke her train of thought.

'It _is_ pretty.' She could feel her anger at her military officer and CMO dissipate as the wind played with the trees. The breeze also played with her hair and seemed to take away the stress of the two years on Atlantis. Everything was under control back there. Caldwell understood what was happening and she trusted him. She smiled, surprised as she realised that her reservations with the man had disappeared. It was as if the Goa'uld had finally done something helpful, he had been the only one able to understand what she and John had gone through when they had been taken over by the alien version of Mr and Mrs Smith.

She adjusted the shoulder strap on the bag that held her laptop. After a minor disagreement she had finally gotten Carson to let her take her computer, three spare battery packs and a solar powered recharger. She'd also managed to pull rank and had taken a few of the DVD's that the Daedelus had brought from Earth. So with that and solitaire, and the knowledge that she kicked John's butt at space invaders – _go figure_, she was determined to try and enjoy herself.

'So where are we going to be staying?'

'Well if Madam will just follow me, I'll take you for a tour of the facilities, and then we'll decide where to set up camp.' John held out his hand with a flourish and beckoned Elizabeth towards a rough path that led them towards the river as McKay walked, still addicted to his hand held device behind them.


	2. Cliches

**Disclaimer **They aren't mine... I just borrow them for a while... I will give them back though... eventually

First of all THANK YOU to those who reviewed chapter one I'm glad you liked it :D. Now on with chapter two... please enjoy (and I still love reviews!)

_Chapter Two – Clichés_

Elizabeth had always loved camping, and so as the days wore on, she began to unwind amongst the trees, fresh, crisp air, and the dulcet sounds of Sean Connery. She had always had had a thing for the first James Bond, coupled with that accent (something Beckett was _never_ going to find out) and so having him at her disposal was a luxury that she hadn't realised she had missed so much.

What she did miss however was female company. When Sheppard had told Teyla that he was taking Liz on a holiday, the Athosian had jumped at the opportunity to go and visit her people on the mainland for a period of time. Ronon, curious to find out more about her people (or so he had said, Liz was sure just the opportunity to spend downtime with Teyla was a good enough reason for the Satedan warrior) had joined her. Whilst Elizabeth was comfortable with the current arrangements, John had given strict instructions to Rodney that if he so much as complained John would throw the doctor and his gadgets into the river, so even Rodney was becoming almost _pleasant_, the nagging itch that came with the lack of being able to giggle over whatever actor was on screen was beginning to claw at her.

'Knock knock?' John's voice broke her melancholy thoughts.

'Come in.' The Colonel lifted the flap of the tent and stuck his head into her tent. 'What's up?' She asked curiously.

'I was wondering if you wanted to come for a walk.' Elizabeth grinned and she moved to put her boots on.

'Sounds good. Where are we going?' John winked.

'That's the joy about these places. You don't know where you are going until you get there.'

McKay was puffing. Why had he let John talk him into this? He didn't like physical activity at the best of times. Now he was hiking through jungle with Tarzan and Jane. He sighed and returned to his hand held energy monitor. He didn't know why he brought it. It just seemed like a good idea. Up ahead he heard Elizabeth shout and then laugh as John fooled about. Glancing up he saw that John was living up to Tarzan's name and had hoisted the intergalactic diplomat over his shoulder and had taken a detour from the main path.

If this rutty root infested ground could be called a path.

With them out of sight the normally bitter scientist allowed himself to smile. He was pleased that Elizabeth had finally allowed herself to be talked into de-stressing, and was even enjoying herself. McKay wouldn't tell anyone, but secretly, apart from worrying that Zelenka and the other scientists were going to blow up Atlantis, he too was almost relaxed.

An alert from his energy sensor caused him to forget his actual enjoyment of this Utopia and his good mood vanished. A small energy spike suddenly appeared just up ahead, in the direction in which John had dragged Elizabeth. McKay didn't usually do the running thing well, however knowing that John probably wasn't exactly in military mode with Elizabeth slung over his shoulder, McKay suddenly found he had the feet of Hermes. Barely slipping on any of the foliage and dodging every root with ease, the scientist ran on.

McKay burst through a patch of dense undergrowth and found himself nearly running head first into a large stone pillar. Knowing that large stone pillars in the middle of jungles usually spelled trouble he puffed around it and was about to call to John, whom he had just spotted with Elizabeth gazing around the ruins when a bright light hit the two leaders of Atlantis. Rodney found his voice and called out.

'Colonel Sheppard! Elizabeth!' Both of them were frozen as the white light glowed stronger and McKay's device went crazy, telling him that there was apparently a strong energy signal coming from the direction of the light. McKay rushed over to them as the light almost blinded McKay for a second before disappearing completely.

'Colonel, Elizabeth!' The two people slowly turned to McKay, confusion and shock etched into their faces, before, just as McKay reached them, collapsing onto the ground.

'Great.' He checked his machine. The energy spike had disappeared as abruptly as it had started. As McKay set about finding both his friends' pulses, which apart from being a little fast were fine, it dawned on him that Elizabeth and John were both out of commission, which he decided was deemed a medical emergency, and he was thirty bloody miles from the gate. He looked around. There was no way he could even drag Elizabeth's slight body to the gate. His gaze returned to the two people on the ground. What happened? What the hell was that light? He then noticed the thin film of sweat that appeared on Elizabeth's brow. Touching her forehead the fever nearly burned McKay's hand. Praying to whatever un-Goa'ulded God that was listening that; a) they would be okay while he ran to the gate and got help b) the Wraith wouldn't come while he ran to the gate and got help and c) he himself wouldn't have a heart attack on his way to the gate, McKay set off.

_Why can't we just have a normal holiday?_


	3. Oh Crap

**Disclaimer **As before - I don't own them

Once more thank you for the reviews, they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside... this chapter is a little longer than the last couple (I think) so please enjoy... the answer is coming soon I promise, I just have a habit of drawing things out... just to be evil :D

_Chapter Three – Oh Crap_

McKay sat idly at his desk in the science lab. He was at a loss. Beckett had not only kicked him out of the infirmary – twice – he had also set up a perimeter around it so that the moment Rodney was within one hundred yards of where John and Elizabeth still lay very unconscious, a large surly Lieutenant, apparently of the name Brown, appeared. Rodney, whilst concerned for his friends decided that, for the moment at least all his limbs being still attached to his body and worrying from afar was preferable to lying in a drug induced coma. He gazed off into the distance, not even pulled from his day dream by the blinking of his computer screen as the screen saver turned on.

Colonel Samantha Carter would have been embarrassed and probably would have hunted Rodney down if she had known that his screen saver contained numerous pictures of her hidden amongst the random snapshots of the people who had become his family on Atlantis. However even the gorgeous blonde couldn't pull Rodney from his melancholy stupor. He had failed them. Why had he not reacted quicker when his readings flashed that a sudden energy spike appeared out of nowhere? He stood up quickly from his chair, determined to find a way around Carson's picket line when a cry of shock made him pause.

Radek Zelenka had known the moment Rodney had isolated himself in his office how distressed the man was. The head scientist had said that he wasn't bothered and was simply looking over the work done by his horde whilst he was away, but even the white mice that Radek had grown fond of that lived in the lab had stopped squeaking as the dishevelled scientist tried to hide his guilt. So, determined to return the egomaniac to his usual unendearing self, Radek had set about trying to make the best out of the predicament that lay in the infirmary. He decided to make a book.

It wasn't out of spite; Radek Zelenka was honoured to work with people like Elizabeth Weir. And even for a military man John Sheppard was one of the best men he had ever known. No, this change into gambling central was merely to help those stressed out by the current circumstances think "it could be worse." And so with determination Radek had stepped up behind Rodney only to have his boss's chair spin away as the man sprang up and right into Radek's shin.

'What was that for?' Rodney paused and turned as his colleague bent slightly to rub his lower leg, muttering something unintelligible in Czech.

'What were you doing standing right behind me? You know how I feel about people reading over my shoulder.'

'Rodney, as much as you think I might even consider plagiarising your work, I don't think presenting a picture of Colonel Carter like _that_ is on the highest of my priorities.'

Rodney blushed and slammed the lid of his laptop down. _Damn nosey Czech_.

'What did you want anyway?' Radek smiled broadly and adjusted his glasses.

'You aren't to blame you know.'

'I don't need a pep talk.'

'Good. Because I am not here to give you one.'

'Then why did you come over?' Rodney was not in the mood for one of Radek's games, even the idea of kicking Zelenka's butt at "Prime/Not Prime" didn't fire up Rodney's competitive side.

'I have come to ask if you would like to place a bet on the outcome of today's events.'

'Are you kidding me?' Rodney got angry. How _dare_ Zelenka try and make this into a betting topic.

'Rodney, you heard Carson's last diagnosis. Both of them are fine. Their vitals are normal; they both have normal brain activity. The fever has gone. All we are waiting for now is for them to wake up. Besides, the kitty has gotten quite large.'

Radek didn't miss the spark of curiosity in his friends' eye. All he had to do was to reel him in.

Rodney wanted to kick himself. He was curious now. Damn this Czech who knew how to push his buttons. He tried to respond nonchalantly.

'Really? What is the actual bet for?'

'What the beam did to them. Some of the responses have been quite interesting.' Radek carefully adjusted the reel and slowly wound in the hapless McKay.

'Oh yeah? Like what?'

'Well.' Radek pulled out his little black book; infamous for depriving many Atlantean's of coffee, chocolate and other such luxuries throughout the few years the group had been on the alien planet. He read off a list, including some of the more interesting ones.

'Kavanaugh is determined to believe that the incident was in fact construed just to give Doctor Weir and Colonel Sheppard a longer break, that seeing as you were the only witness there wasn't actually a beam or anything and that nothing happened, they are in fact just suffering exhaustion from being stuck on a planet with you for five days, that's at 100 to one.' Radek ploughed on before Rodney went on a rampage to kill Kavanaugh. 'Others include, at 60 to 1: The beam was actually an alien conception device and Elizabeth is pregnant, 40 to 1: The beam was an alien conception device and _John _is pregnant –'

'Wait, why are the odds shorter for John being pregnant than Elizabeth?'

'Major Lorne thought it sounded like the oddest thing that could happen, and apparently many people agree. Anyway, at one of the shortest odds – at 20 to 1 – is that the beam implanted alien entities into their minds.'

'Oh that is _so_ original, besides, that's already happened to them.' McKay thought hard. He was almost enjoying himself. Honestly some people were so stupid; he'd taken Zelenka's book off of the scientist and was reading some of the other bets. Apparently one of the kitchen staff had decided that the beam was the equivalent to that computer – whatever its name was – in _The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy_ and that both John and Elizabeth now knew the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything else.

Sighing McKay handed the book back to Zelenka and was about to bet his entire collection of chocolate coated coffee beans to the pot in favour of one of the more obscure ideas of the beam; something about just being a human life scan and that apart from shaken they were alright, when the unmistakable Scottish brogue of the resident doctor crackled onto the radio.

'Rodney?' McKay paused, there was something in Beckett's voice, the recognisable relief that was plain when a team member woke up or got through to the next step of recovery, mixed with the "oh crap", aka, Rodney/John/Elizabeth: we are in trouble (the member of Atlantis that this was aimed at depended on the stress and anxiousness found in Beckett's voice). Rodney zoned into the voice.

'Carson? What's going on?'

There was an extended pause; Rodney was about to repeat his question when Carson finally answered.

'Well they are awake –'

Rodney very nearly whooped into the microphone.

'I'm on my way.'

Before Carson could alert Rodney to the fact that whilst Liz and John were awake, there was something terribly wrong, he was rebuffed by the scientist and within minutes a puffing Rodney McKay burst into the infirmary with a slightly frazzled looking Radek Zelenka behind him. Beckett grimaced, the little black book not escaping his attention.

(Beckett himself was banned from betting on medicinal matters because he had a greater understanding – apparently – of what was going on and more likely to win the pot. Although Beckett had a feeling that Zelenka was just miffed because the MD had won a stash of Picnic bars off the scientist)

This was going to be a long day. He glanced back at his patients. Atlantis had brought many "oh crap" moments to fruition. But this, Carson concluded was by far the worst that had befallen any members of the expedition. And of course, as the fates would have it, this moment had found its way to alter the leaders of Atlantis.

_Thank God Colonel Caldwell is still here_. Although the Medical Doctor had a feeling that regardless of their current position neither John nor Elizabeth were going to stop themselves from running Atlantis.

This situation was definitely going to be filed under "oh crap".


	4. Changes

**Disclaimer **Not mine

WOW!!! Thank you SOOOOOO much for all your reviews... believe when I say every time I open my inbox I get a HUGE grin on my face from your responses :D... well here it is: the solution! It's gonna get confusing from now on but hopefully it won't be too bad... I also had to do some last minute editing on this chapter because I have a habit of changing between past and present tense, but I'm fairly sure I caught it all. Please enjoy... and keep those reviews coming :D.

_Chapter Four – Changes_

Radek Zelenka had never seen Elizabeth yell. He had heard stories from Rodney just after the head scientist had seen fit to blow up three quarters – sorry _seven eighths_ – of a solar system, but seeing as the Czech was still reeling from Rodney's earlier words at that point he had never really imagined what a really _really _pissed off Elizabeth looked like.

The woman in question was standing up; she had apparently torn off the usual wires connecting herself to the heart and brain monitor. She and Beckett were squaring off, as he tried in vain to get her back to bed, whilst she looked as though she was going to commit murder.

Radek glanced at Rodney and was surprised to find him just as shocked as he with Elizabeth's actions. Obviously the wrath that had come with blowing up a solar system did not compare to whatever Beckett had just said. Both scientists zoned in to what the woman in front of them was saying.

'Are you telling me that you have no idea how to fix this?' Something clawed at Radek. The way she spoke, the usual lilt to her voice had gone and the drawl that now came out was very much her own voice but at the same time nothing like it. It was however familiar. An idea began to swirl around in his mind. It couldn't be that…

'Will you calm down? You'll give yourself a heart attack.' The group turned to the man that had just spoken. John Sheppard lay quietly in bed, back straight just watching the action around him. Like Elizabeth he sounded different. Radek decided to put his idea to the test.

'Elizabeth?' Rodney looked at Radek bewildered as the person that looked like John simply nodded. Carson turned his attention to the two scientists, smiling grimly.

'We didn't realise until they woke up that something was, uh, not quite right.'

'Not quite right?' Elizabeth, well John in Elizabeth's body anyway – _God this is confusing_ thought Rodney – was about to let loose with another tirade, but Carson ploughed on.

'I need to know exactly what happened before we even _think_ about returning to that planet. And I mean what was the situation leading up to this?' John was about to interrupt (again) but paused, thinking back. Carson didn't miss the slightly pink tinge that lit up Elizabeth's cheeks.

_John glanced over to Elizabeth as they were walking. He was impressed, he didn't realise that she was so into hiking and outdoor activities._

'_What?' John blinked as he realised that Elizabeth had caught him staring._

'_Nothing. I just never figured you for an outdoor person.'_

'_Really? Why not?'_

'_You're always too clean.'_

'_Is that a crime?'_

'_No it's just I always thought you'd be more of a sit in the library reading and doing crossword puzzles.'_

'_And sewing buttons onto my anorak?' She rolled her eyes. 'We academics aren't all like that you know. Take Doctor Jackson, he may wear glasses but I don't think brushing dust off old relics could give him biceps like that.'_

'_When did you see his biceps? We were in Antarctica.'_

'_When I was in command of the SGC.' She looked at his shocked face. 'Jealous?'_

'_No it's just that this is the second time today that you have surprised me.'_

'_Hey I'm a woman I'm allowed to look. And plus don't get high and mighty on me. How many alien princesses has it been?'_

'_Only one was a princess.'_

'_Oh that's right the other two were ascended, or ascending as the case may be.' Elizabeth grinned evilly. 'Don't think you can try and blackmail me for my remark on the male form. I know you too well Captain Kirk.'_

_John glanced back to Elizabeth, he didn't want to be digging his hole any deeper than it already was. He changed the subject._

'_So how's Beckett's project going?'_

'_I think it's almost ready. We just need a test subject.'_

'_You know two years ago you would have been so against this.'_

'_As you said; if the Wraith were at the Geneva Convention they would have tried to feed on everyone.'_

_Another silence. Off to the left something caught John's eye, just off the path and amongst the trees._

'_What's up?'_

_Glancing back and seeing McKay caught up in his hand held gizmo, what ever it was this time, John grinned._

'_John? What's going on?'_

_Without speaking John lifted up his waif-like leader and threw her over his shoulder._

'_John! What the HELL are you doing?' She began to laugh as he ran off the main path and through the thinning undergrowth. 'Listen Tarzan, do you want to put me down?'_

_Instead of complying, John stopped suddenly._

'_What?' John carefully let Elizabeth slip down from off his shoulder and once her feet hit the ground she turned._

_It was the remains of… something. John had no idea what it was but the small clearing was smothered in stone columns covered in writing. Greenery had long ago started to strangle the stone and now the plant life covered most of the ruins. _

_Walking up to a pillar that was still trying to push through the vines, Elizabeth traced her fingers over the engravings._

'_It's Ancient.'_

'_I'll take your word for it.' Ancient gene; John had, knowledge of Ancient language; Elizabeth could keep._

'_It says: "the greatest lesson comes from knowing the other side"'_

'_Right. That is extremely helpful.'_

'_Hey I just do the translating.' Elizabeth moved towards the centre of the clearing._

'_Hey careful! Random stone gardens that are hidden in the jungle don't usually bring good things.'_

'_Aww. I didn't know you cared John.'_

'_Well I wouldn't want you to get hurt. Because then I'd have to tell Beckett what happened and there goes our holiday.'_

'Our_ holiday?'_

'_Well looking after you isn't the most taxing of work you know. Besides once the others find out about this place it will be crawling with scientists.' He walked up behind Elizabeth and watched her as she took in her surroundings. He liked watching her like this. She looked completely calm and in control, except for her eyes, which were sparkling with excitement._

'_You're staring again.'_

'_I like the view.' Elizabeth paused as the words came out of John's mouth before he could stop them. John watched her warily, trying to work out if he'd stepped over the line with that less than subtle statement. Suddenly her face broke into a cheeky grin._

'_I bet you do fly boy.' Taken aback by her less than subtle return John took her by the arm to hoist her back over his shoulder when, the moment he touched her, the clearing went deadly silent. Barely having time to exchange looks, a bright light enveloped them._

_Far away, John thought he heard his name being called. The voice sounded distorted, but strangely familiar. The beam got brighter and for a brief moment it was so bright that he couldn't see beyond white. As the haze cleared he again heard the voice, this time earthly and very much McKay. He turned. His head was buzzing. Darkness descended as he collapsed._

'Well?' Carson asked expectantly. Both parties had been strangely silent. 'What happened?'

'We were walking up a track, when we noticed something just off to the left and so we went to check it out.' Rodney stifled a snort as he heard Elizabeth's version of things and his response was met with a look. 'Anyway just through the trees was a large stone pillar, and so we were taking a look around when a beam surrounded us.'

'Why?'

'What?'

'Are you sure nothing happened in between getting to the stone pillar and the beam.'

Elizabeth considered the question carefully.

'Elizabeth, we need to know exactly what happened. You both have my word, and Rodney's and Radek's that what ever you say won't leave this room.'

'John took my arm.'

'What?' Rodney couldn't help himself. John's face went slightly pink as Elizabeth blushed. _Nope this is still too confusing_.

'I… I slipped and he took my arm so I didn't fall. As he took my arm the beam caught us.'

Carson watched Elizabeth carefully. He had a feeling that Elizabeth wasn't telling him everything, but regardless at least a connection between them might have sparked something.

'Well that might be something.' He reiterated his thoughts. 'Is there anything else? Any tiny little thing that happened that might have triggered this?'

'There was writing on one of the pillars.' John spoke up; calm once again as he saw that Elizabeth wasn't too worried about their situation. _At least one of us is okay with this_. 'It said something along the lines of knowing the other side is a great lesson.'

'I see.' Carson pondered this. 'And this didn't trigger any kind of alarm?'

'Carson, we were on a deserted planet and for all we knew we'd just stumbled across the Ancient database for fortune cookie sayings.' Elizabeth stifled a laugh. 'I'm glad to see you're enjoying this.'

'Hey I never said I was enjoying this. I was starting to relax before you decided to play George of the Jungle and drag me off to have a sex change.'

'Calm down both of you.' Carson played mediator. 'From this moment on, _both_ of you are still on downtime. Colonel Caldwell is still here…'

'Does he know about this?' Rodney just noticed that the military man hadn't actually been in the infirmary during this exchange.

'He was here just before you turned up. He's now briefing Lorne on what's happened.'

'Carson, why haven't we had a say in this?' Elizabeth scrutinised the CMO.

'Look Elizabeth, as much as I know you hate being put out to dry by the military, you both are, for all intents and purposes, not fit to command Atlantis until we've worked out how to get you back into your proper bodies.'

'I'm not sick Carson. I'm just not in my body.'

'We don't know what side effects there may be to the switch.' Elizabeth was exasperated. There was no way in hell she was staying in the infirmary whilst Rodney and his team tried to figure out what had happened. She opened her mouth to speak.

'I know what you are going to say Elizabeth. And I'll make you a deal. I'll keep you overnight just to make sure you're okay, and if everything seems alright, I'll let you out of the infirmary. Make no attempt to take control of Atlantis _either of you_,' he glared at John as well 'and you can return to your rooms and wander. _However_ if either of you decide to do something stupid or life threatening I'll have you put back in here with a twenty-four hour guard and restrain you if necessary.' The Scot meant business.

'Thank you.' Elizabeth was relieved. John also smiled thanks at the doctor. That man was scary when he wanted to be. Carson moved over to John and led him grudgingly, to his bed and began to hook him back up to the machines.

'Colonel Caldwell will probably want to hear what happened as well. I'll tell him what we've promised regarding your free reign of Atlantis, but promise me that if you start to feel sick or anything, no matter how minor you come back here. If you don't I'll consider it a life threatening movement. For now though I suggest you try and get some sleep.'

With that the medical doctor ushered Radek and Rodney from the infirmary and left his patients to rest.


	5. The Morning After

**Disclaimer **Not mine

Well done to all of you who guessed what had happened... but as you know things are never that easy... chapter five is a little shorter than the last one, containing a curious Liz and a perplexed John... and just for Jaymi (and all of you who were disappointed in "The Eye" with only a split second of John out in the rain) the image of John (well John's body at least) in the shower. As always read and review (and thanks once more to you lovely reviewers)

_Chapter Five – The Morning After_

Elizabeth woke up to the stale smell of antiseptic. She had always hated hospitals. As a child she had gone to the hospital every week to see her father as he lay dying of cancer. For a while he'd just go in for the therapy and there would be the week after of vomiting and illness as the radiation took its toll on the rest of his body. When the cancer showed no signs of stopping, they had kept him permanently in the hospital. Hospitals to her had always been places of death.

She stretched her back as best she could on the small infirmary bed and as she slowly moved from the post-sleep stupor to alertness she remembered her current situation. She'd nearly forgotten, except she had never had that much hair on her arm before. And her head felt like someone had stuck it in a tonne of cement. So _that's_ how he kept his bed hair.

'Morning.' She nearly jumped out of her skin as she heard her own voice greet her.

'Morning.' Turning to her head military officer she smiled grimly. 'So no overnight miracles then?'

'Nope apparently not.'

'Good morning you two. How did you sleep?' Carson's voice sounded far too awake for this time in the morning John decided as the Scot entered the sealed off part of the infirmary where they both had slept.

'Not too bad. Considering.' John tried to be cheerful but the smile didn't reach his eyes. The truth was he felt so out of joint. Like his mind was too big for this body. Which technically was true seeing as Liz was several inches shorter than he. He saw Elizabeth nod in agreement.

'I'm sure you are both itching to get out of here, so I'll just give you a look over and if everything is alright I'll let you go.' Smiling broadly Carson didn't let on about his reservations in letting them go. _They can't exactly go anywhere_. He tried to reason with himself that they were really alright. Both were only a little tired, _understandable they have gone through a stressful situation_ and reluctantly he let them go.

'Remember you two. If either one of you breaks our promise, I suggest you run very far away.'

'Thanks Carson.' Elizabeth was about to place her hand on Carson's shoulder when she paused. She hadn't even thought about what others would think about her being in John's body. She smiled and followed the retreating figure of herself. _This is so warped._

John stared absently around his room. Nothing he did seemed right. The first thing he had wanted to do was change out of the scrubs that Carson and his horde of masochistic nurses had put him in when he realised that changing meant getting undressed. He looked in the mirror. Not only that but he needed smaller clothes. _Elizabeth's clothes_. This was so screwed up.

Determined to change he was about to leave his room to go in search of the real owner of this body when someone knocked on his door. Opening it with a wave of his hand, he found himself staring at himself.

'Elizabeth!' She grinned nervously.

'I thought we'd better talk. Um… I brought these.' Another nervous grin and held out a pile of clothes.

'If you don't want me to I'll just stay in these.'

'John at the moment we don't know how long we could be like this.'

'Good point.' _Why the hell was he so nervous?_ He cleared his throat. 'I'll just get you something to wear too.' He scurried around the room nervously looking for clothes, and trying not to look at Elizabeth.

'John are you sure you are alright?'

'Well apart from being in someone else's body?'

'I guess it is a bit daunting.' John returned with regulation pants and a black shirt. 'I feel all out of sorts you know? Like even the way I'm walking doesn't suit this body.'

John nodded in agreement. 'I feel like there is too much of me in this body. It's like my foot is in a shoe two sizes to small.'

'Thanks for that analogy. It's good to know that you consider me a shoe.'

'I didn't mean it like that.'

'I know.' Another grin. She looked around absently, fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt.

'My shower stuff is in there.' He pointed to the ensuite behind a door.

'Right. You sure you don't mind?'

'We don't exactly have much choice.'

'True.' It seemed that when Liz was nervous she smiled a lot. John watched her as she moved to the bathroom and within minutes he heard the water running. He looked at the pile of clothes Liz had brought him. A red shirt and black pants. _Was that all she owned?_ He had only ever once seen her in a blue singlet, but apart from that it was always red. He froze as his hand hovered over the third item of clothing.

John had had a lot of practice taking off bras. By high school he could undo them with one hand. Yes the bra was a funny thing. It was so easy to get them off, quite simple too, but staring at the simple, plain white bra John realised that he was at a loss to even think about how to put it on. Well the getting it on was the easy bit, but how the hell were you supposed to contort yourself to do the damn thing up?

He had been staring at the piece of underwear for so long that he didn't hear the water stop, nor the door to the ensuite open.

Elizabeth stared at her body in the mirror. She'd put on John's pants almost with her eyes shut, afraid that just even by glancing at the usually hidden part of Colonel Sheppard that she would be committing the grossest invasion of privacy. However she had turned towards the mirror above the sink as she had reached for John's toothbrush.

The only time she could really ever remember seeing John topless was after that bug incident. And at that point she was far too relieved that he was alive to worry about what the pilot had under his shirt. Now she guiltily couldn't help but assess the new body she was in. _No_ she thought to herself. _Don't be so childish. This is his body and you need to respect it_. She flexed her arm as she began to brush her teeth. _Oh my God…Oh for crying out loud Liz. It's a male body. You know what his biceps looks like, it's not as though he wears baggy long sleeves all the time. Get over it._ Hurriedly pulling on his shirt she made sure she looked respectable – or at least John look respectable – and stepped out of the bathroom, only to find John staring at her underwear with a look of sheer fright on his face.

'Yes. It's a bra. I'm fairly sure you'd have seen one by now, or don't Ancient women wear them?'

John jumped as he heard Elizabeth's voice.

'I was just trying to figure out how it worked.' She nodded sceptically.

'I'm sure. Well shower's free.' John hastily grabbed her clothes and shut the door behind him.

In his room Elizabeth suddenly realised that she had actually been showering in _his_ shower. If someone had seen what appeared to be her enter John's room and John follow shortly after… there were going to be a lot of fires to put out. _Damn it_. She scratched her cheek idly. _This stubble has _got_ to go._ Despite the fact she didn't mind John with the slight five o'clock shadow in the evening; this morning stubble was itchy as hell. She swore as she realised that she hadn't shaved her legs for five days. Why was it that when something like this happened in the movies the woman always had perfectly smooth legs? Even if it was the middle of winter. She sighed _too damn bad. I'm not one of his Ancient princesses._


	6. Adjustments

**Disclaimer** Not mine

Thanks as always... this is more of a filler chapter, but I'll follow up with chapter seven shortly. Please read and review.

_Chapter Six – Adjustments_

If John and Elizabeth had hoped that their switch would remain a secret, at least to the general population of Atlantis, by the time they had finished breakfast they were well aware of the rumours already flying.

Even though they usually ate breakfast together (if there wasn't an emergency) the moment they walked in they knew something was up. The room went silent and they could feel eyes on them.

'Something tells me our secret isn't so secret any more.'

Elizabeth nodded in agreement. Ignoring the stares, they went to the buffet before sitting down at their usual table were McKay and Beckett already sat.

'So, how are you two feeling?' McKay tried to act nonchalant but failed miserably.

'We were fine until we realised that we are now everyone's favourite lab rats for the moment.'

'Well you know the rumour mill on Atlantis. Mixed with Zelenka's gambling ring you should hear what some people are saying already.'

'I don't think I want to. I'm currently eating.' Elizabeth rolled her eyes and returned to her bacon and powdered eggs. Fortunately with the Daedelus doing its trips more Earth food could be brought, including meat. While those "ready meal" things did fill you up, Elizabeth wasn't quite sure if there was actual food within them. She glanced up and found McKay _still _staring at her. 'What is it Rodney?'

'Sorry. It's just…um… weird you know to hear something you'd say come out of John's mouth.'

'Don't even talk to me about how weird this is Rodney.' The scientist blushed.

'Of course… right… sorry.' The scientist returned to his food.

'If you want, I'll talk to Kate and set up some meetings with her.' Elizabeth smiled gratefully at Carson while John groaned. They looked at Elizabeth's body. Carson realised for the first time he'd never seen Elizabeth really sulk. She looked cute, like a kid. Realising that it was John doing the sulking and not Liz, he shook his head. 'What's wrong John?'

'I don't need a psych to tell me how screwed up this is.'

'Thanks very much.' Elizabeth didn't know why that comment angered her but she was just sick and tired of him complaining.

'No Liz it's not you.'

'Don't call me Liz. We are both in trouble here, not just you. Just because you are grounded doesn't mean you can just sit here and mope.'

'I'm not moping.'

'Well then get over it.'

'It's very hard to try and get over a situation when you're in the middle of it.' John tried to calm down but he was just too steamed up. He pouted. He _never_ pouted, not unless he was trying to talk Liz into getting his way. He noticed that most of the commissary was staring at them. Elizabeth was about to respond when something dawned on her.

'Oh no.'

'Why did you "oh no". "Oh no" means something bad.' John looked worried. Elizabeth looked at John and tried to smile. It didn't work. She turned to Carson and McKay.

'I completely forgot. I need you to come to my, as in Elizabeth's, room, John.' Carson and McKay exchanged looks. She stared at them. 'While I'd prefer to get back into my normal body as soon as possible, you have about three weeks to get us changed back.'

'What? Why?' McKay looked confused. They were only leaving today to get to the ruins. Carson however understood. He nodded.

'No promises. But we'll do our best.'

'What the hell is going on?' John was irritated. He didn't understand what the hell was going on and why was Elizabeth suddenly worried?

'I'll explain when we get back to my room.'

* * *

John stared at the foil package in front of him.

'You have to take one every evening.'

'Alright…'

'If you forget you are going to experience the joy we women experience every month.'

'You mean the reason I was so angry was because…'

'No. Not yet. My body still has about three weeks before that blessed event, but before then you'll probably experience PMT.'

John nearly fainted.

'That's why I want to be back in my body sooner rather than later.'

John breathed deeply and tried to grin. It didn't work very well.

'As I said it's alright we still have plenty of time. It's just with all this excitement I'd forgotten about it. And I don't want to put you through anymore stress than we are already in.' Liz smiled at him. 'Don't worry, Rodney will figure out how to change us back. Besides, if they haven't got it figured out by then, you'll finally be able to understand why we get so pissed off once a month.'

'This is… well a lot to take in.' He looked at her. 'You know a session with Heightmeyer sounds good right about now.' Elizabeth laughed.

'Actually thinking about that, we really have to work out what's going to happen while we are stuck like this.'

'What do you mean?'

'Well, I guess I can just pack a bag of your clothes and stuff and stay here, and you do the same.'

'It'd probably just be easier for me to stay here. Then I have everything I need here, save the trips back and forth.'

'Yeah I guess so.' Elizabeth suddenly felt very out of place in her own room. Everything within it was hers, and yet nothing felt like hers anymore.

'This is weird isn't it?'

'Weird is an understatement.' John stood up and walked to her. It was so strange to look into her own eyes. He placed his hand on her face. She closed her eyes and could imagine that it was John's hand and not hers touching her face.

'McKay and Beckett are gonna figure this out.'

'I know.'

'Hey, we are still on down time right?'

'Yes.' She opened her eyes and watched him carefully. 'Why?'

She didn't like the look that caused her eyes to glitter mischievously.


	7. Down Time

**Disclaimer **I don't own them, I just use them for my own evil deeds

First of all I hope you all had a merry and safe Christmas and are looking forward to what the New Year has in store for you.

Thanks as always to you reviewers (Nerwen Aldarion: John may take a while but he may just follow your advice later on :)... is that good enough bait to get you to keep reading:P ), I really hope you are all enjoying this as much as I did writing it :D... we are about a third of the way through this story (it just kept writing itself), again this is more of a filler before we get back into business (by about chapter nine), but before I reveal anything that is going to happen I better let you read chapter seven. Read, enjoy, review :D

_Chapter Seven – Down Time_

'Are you sure this is a good idea, Sir?' Major Lorne looked worried.

'John we don't have to do this.' Elizabeth looked like she was going to be sick.

'No. You have the Ancient gene now, so you are going to learn how to pilot a jumper.'

'But once we change back I won't have it anymore. So what's the point?' John turned to her.

'The point being, Miss Elizabeth,' Elizabeth cringed, 'that if we are still like this and Atlantis gets attacked, we'll have an extra pilot.'

'But you don't have the gene, so what happens if I crash?'

'You won't crash, because that's what Major Lorne is for. If you can't handle it, Lorne will take over and bring us home.'

'Okay, I can't handle it.'

'You haven't tried it.'

Elizabeth and Major Lorne exchanged looks.

'Hang on, does Carson know about this?' John pretended to look insulted.

'Do you think I'd put our freedom on the line for a joy ride? He's the reason Lorne is here.' Lorne shook his head as he watched Colonel Sheppard guide the leader of Atlantis to the pilot's seat. Tapping his microphone, he spoke to Carson.

'Doc, we are just about off.'

'Alright, well bring them back safely please. I don't know why I even agreed to letting them go.'

A third voice joined in the conversation.

'Because Colonel Sheppard was right. If we do come under attack, we need as many pilots as we can. Another person available with the Ancient gene is invaluable, on the ground or otherwise.'

Carson sighed.

'Just make sure they both come back in one piece Major.'

'You have my word Doctor. Lorne out.'

* * *

Elizabeth was amazed. This was _fantastic_. The jumper barely needed her to move the controls; it was like it heard her mind and followed, rather than relying on the movement of her hands. John had his eyes closed and Lorne was sitting behind her, ready to take the controls if something went belly up. She grinned. Tipping the controls slightly she inverted the jumper and continued flying. She felt Lorne tense behind her, but he waited when he realised that she was still in control.

In his relaxed state, John barely felt the movement of the Jumper, but as he opened his eyes he realised something was wrong.

'Um Liz, water is usually on the bottom of the windscreen.' Elizabeth looked innocently at him.

'Nervous?' He shook his head. _Nervous? Him?_ He watched her right the ship with ease.

'So you like it?'

'You do realise that you are never going to get your body back now.'

'Or you could just undergo the gene therapy.' He looked at her consider the statement. 'Why haven't you?'

'What? Tried the therapy?'

'Yeah.'

'Well I just thought that as leader it would be wrong. If I could fly my own jumper and sit in the chair myself, I don't know, it just didn't seem right to be able to do everything Atlantis had to offer and then tell everyone what to do. Besides if I could do all that, I wouldn't need you to be my knight in shining armour all the time.' They looked at each other.

Lorne suddenly felt the conversation dipping into territory he didn't want to know about. He cleared his throat, noticing the pink tinge light up both their faces as they realised that he was in the jumper with them.

'So are we going to head over to the mainland?'

'I thought it'd be a good idea, catch up with Teyla and Ronon and tell them what's going on. Besides I don't think I can remember you ever going to the mainland, Liz.'

'It's been a long time.' She smiled. Normally she hated being called Liz, but she let it slip this time. Besides, seeing as she was currently in control of their transport if he did annoy her... John shouted in surprise as she performed a barrel roll.

* * *

'Colonel Sheppard, Doctor Weir!' Teyla walked up to the puddle jumper. At first she had been worried, the ship had landed with a heavier "thump" than usual, but the three occupants didn't seem too worried. 'Major Lorne. It is good to see you; however I was not aware that you had returned already. Is anything wrong?' 

John and Elizabeth exchanged glances.

'Not wrong, well Atlantis is fine, but –' John paused as Ronon lumbered up to them. He nodded a greeting, but remained his usual stoic self. '_We_ have a problem.' Teyla eyed John, confused.

'Doctor Weir, I don't understand.'

'What John is trying to say is that whilst that I may look like Colonel Sheppard, on the planet we found ruins and somehow they swapped our minds. Simply put, I'm Elizabeth and he is John. Regardless of what we look like.'

'I see…' Teyla paused, scrutinising the two leaders of Atlantis. 'What has been done to return you to normal?'

'Rodney and his team have returned to see what the ruins actually say, we didn't get far before this happened. Colonel Caldwell is currently keeping an eye on Atlantis, and Carson is keeping an eye on him.'

Teyla smiled softly, before glancing at Ronon. He nodded slightly. 'Thank you for coming and telling us. We will return with you at once.'

'That's not necessary Teyla, if you both want to stay for the last few days, we can send a jumper over.'

'I think our time would be better spent on Atlantis, rather than here. I have caught up with much of what has happened here, and I think Ronon is missing those "ready meals" that Atlantis has to offer. I am afraid that he is not fond of tuttleroot soup.'

'Well if you are sure.'

'If you will give me a moment, I will return to Halling and tell him that unfortunately business calls us back to Atlantis and that we must leave immediately. He will understand.'

Elizabeth nodded to the Athosian, who, along with Ronon turned and walked briskly back to the camp. Elizabeth had never really looked around the mainland, so while Major Lorne returned to the jumper, she began to wander.

'It's pretty isn't it?' John's words broke through her reverie.

'Yes. I've never really had time to look. It is good to get on solid ground again. It's strange; we live on an island that is completely unnatural. It is a giant machine. But this: this is real.' She sat down in the grass. 'You know I have missed grass though. It is a little different now because I have just spent time off world, but even so, I love Atlantis, but nothing compares to nature.' She sighed.

John watched her. She was playing with a bunch of flowers she had just picked. 'What are you doing?'

'Ever since I was a girl I loved making daisy chains.' John nearly choked. 'What?'

'I never thought you'd be into daisy chains.' He returned to watching her, feeling slightly odd watching his body, complete with day old stubble carefully weaving a large chain of flowers. She felt his eyes on her. She moved to stand, flowers still in her hands. He suddenly felt very exposed.

'Lizbeth…'

'Yes John?' She blinked innocently at him. Without warning she tackled him to the ground, nearly knocking the wind out of him.

'Careful! I'm a lot heavier than you are.'

'Can't you take it fly boy?' She pinned him to the ground so that he was sitting and dumped the daisy crown she had made on his head. He raised an eyebrow. 'What would you rather I put them in my hair?' John decided that as self conscious as he would feel, having daisies woven into his short bed-head hair would just make it worse.

She grinned at him and he watched her eyes, deep with concentration as flowers were woven into her wavy hair. He closed his eyes and imagined Elizabeth in front of him, her eyes deep and beautiful.

'Do you need help Sheppard?' John's eyes flew open at Ronon's voice. Liz looked up and hurriedly extracted herself from atop of John.

'You obviously have not been practicing Colonel. If you had she would not have taken you by surprise.' Teyla had a grin on her face and was trying not to laugh. Apparently John trying to look sceptical didn't work when his hair was full of flowers and his boss had just kicked his ass.

'Just you wait Liz. Just you wait.' Liz blinked back at him.

'I'm scared John. Really I am.' John watched her innocently saunter back into the jumper. She was _so_ going down. He tilted his head. How was it possible that she could saunter that well in his body? John looked down. _I wonder how many people _actually_ know that I'm in Liz's body._ A plan began to form in John's mind.


	8. Revenge: Best Served Hot

**Disclaimer** Not mine

I didn't actually get acknowledgement that chapter seven went up, so I'm not sure if everyone else did. Anyways, here is chapter eight (I have discovered, while re-reading this that I tend to go on a bit with minor plot lines, and I lied, it's about chapter 10/11 when we find out more about the swap, but never fear, it is coming I promise). Enjoy and review as always :D

_Chapter Eight – Revenge: Best Served Hot_

'So what are you planning to do tonight?' John walked Elizabeth back towards his room.

'Why?' She looked at him curiously. 'What are you planning?'

'And why would I be planning anything.'

'I kicked your ass is why.'

'Good point.'

'But if you really want to know, I'm going to watch a movie with the girls, Laura and Katie and Kate.'

'Really?' He leant into her.

'Oh that was so subtle John.' She rolled her eyes and pushed him away.

'Ah well enjoy your night. I think I'm going to go and read.'

'You? Read?'

'I haven't finished _War and Peace_ yet.'

'You want to know how it ends?'

'And spoil it for me? Are you crazy?'

'Well have fun.'

'You too.' He left her at his door to prepare for her evening and moved to her room. Liz was going down.

When he had showered that morning he hadn't felt too bad. He had badly needed a wash and tried not to pay attention to his new body. This time however, the urgency wasn't there and he found himself extremely embarrassed as he peeled off Elizabeth's shirt.

He took a deep breath. Her skin was like alabaster. Shaking his head he got back to the matter at hand and turned the hot water of the shower on. He waited before the mirror had completely steamed up before taking off any more clothes. It didn't really change the fact that he was undressing Elizabeth, but at least he didn't have to fight the lure of the mirror to see her body when it was like this.

* * *

As he stepped out of the shower suitably refreshed and with no more flowers in his hair he put the first part of his plan into action. Among her clothes he had found a piece of material that was apparently a shirt. The emerald silk had flowed through his hands and he knew that it was exactly what he was looking for. He had also found out that strapless bras were even more difficult to put on than ordinary ones, but once that arduous task was finished, he set about putting on the shirt. It was simple enough the sleeves sat just off her shoulders and while it wasn't extremely revealing, it showed far more skin than any member of Atlantis had seen.

The next step had been trying to get into the skirt he had found. Fortunately the thing had a zip and was relatively easy to work. The emerald skirt matched the shirt and fell to just above her knees. As the mirror cleared of steam John inhaled sharply. His knees felt weak as the dark green material fell simply around her body, highlighting the paleness of her skin and the depth of her eyes. No wonder she didn't usually wear this, she'd be ravished in the hallway. Shakily he moved from Elizabeth's bathroom and towards her bed. He needed to sit down. He stared at the final piece of his ensemble. This would be the difficult part.

After half an hour walking around Liz's room John had nearly mastered the art of walking in high heels. While he was still shaky turning, he was able to walk in a straight line without falling over. Elizabeth was going to die. If he was in his body _he_ would die. Walking towards a transporter, John stepped in and pressed the screen that appeared, being instantly transported to the rec room. As he entered, a dozen or so women turned to greet him. All dressed in casual pants or even pyjamas.

'Oh my God.'

'Liz! What are you wearing?' John smiled. So maybe their secret identities were still safe.

'I'm so bored, so I decided that I needed to air out some of my clothes.' He watched and apparently this was acceptable. 'So what are we watching tonight?'

'Well we weren't sure if you were coming, so we've decided.' Katie Brown said carefully.

'And…' _Please don't let it be a teary chick flick_.

'Have you seen "In and Out"?'

'That's the one with Kevin Kline right?'

'Got it in one.' Laura Cadman replied and motioned the girls to take a seat whilst the movie was set up. 'So Liz, what did you get up to on your time off?'

'What?' He hadn't expected this.

'Oh please you were off world with John Sheppard.'

'Doctor McKay was there too.'

'But our good doctor is taken.' A round of giggles and a blushing Katie Brown followed.

'Yeah I guess so. But what makes you so sure that anything happened.'

'Only because Colonel Sheppard has been eyeing you for God knows how long.' _I have not._

'That's not true.'

'Oh please. That man is crazy for you.' This wasn't the way it was supposed to be working. John was supposed to be getting information on Liz. Not on him.

Cadman had just grabbed Liz's hands. 'Oh darling Elizabeth. Your glittering eyes remind me of emeralds, your skin, untainted, of milk.' John was red. And going to be sick.

'That's enough Laura. Can't you see you're embarrassing him?' However hard Kate Heightmeyer tried to be serious, she could barely talk through her laughter. _Wait a second… HIM?_

'Sorry John I couldn't resist.' Out of the shadows Elizabeth walked, grinning. 'Do you really think I trusted that you wouldn't do anything?' She raised an eyebrow. 'What the hell are you wearing?'

'I found it, it suits you, you know.'

'John I'm a little concerned that you are actually wearing something like that on your own free will.'

'Apart from the shoes, it's really quite comfortable to wear.'

'I know, I have worn it before.'

'I've never seen it.'

'I've never worn it on Atlantis.'

'That makes sense as to why I haven't seen it yet then.'

'Hey you two, are we going to watch this movie or not?'

'Sorry.' Liz sat down.

'I'll go if you want.' John smiled softly.

'No, stay, please. You can be an honorary girl tonight.'

'I don't know Liz.'

'He _is_ dressed the part.'

'Okay, but as long as you promise to not repeat _anything_ that is said tonight to anyone. What is said in this room stays in this room.'

'I promise.'

'Good boy.'

He motioned for Liz to sit down next to him, and as the lights dimmed he relaxed. He never knew he had such good shoulders to lean on. _That is such a creepy thought_. Liz was at first startled by his close proximity and tensed, but within moments they had relaxed and the space between them shrank.

John had to admit that the movie was good. Although that talking "exploring your masculinity" tape and Kevin Kline dancing… well that was downright scary. After the movie the girls had talked for a while and John made his excuses to leave.

'I wouldn't want to get any blackmail material on any of you.' He was annoyed that Liz had beaten him at this point, but he was still in the outfit, and needed to take a walk.

'See you later John.'

'Bye.' Cadman gave him a wolf whistle as he left. Women were strange creatures.

* * *

Obviously sitting down had made him shaky in the high heels. But by the time he was in the next hallway he was fine. The first person he came across was a young Lieutenant, _Reynolds?_ John couldn't remember.

'Lieutenant.' John nodded his acknowledgement of the young officer and nearly laughed out loud as the pilot's eyes nearly popped out of his head.

'Doc… Doctor Weir. Good evening.' John smiled as he sauntered past, and the man almost collapsed. This dress was working wonders.

He reached a transporter; he wasn't going trust himself on steps yet. _To the control room._

He smiled evilly.

* * *

Elizabeth had been suspicious of John's sudden departure from the beginning.

'Hey Liz, what's it like?' She hadn't been listening, and so Laura's question took her by surprise.

'What's what like?'

'Elizabeth, you are in the head military officers' body. What does it feel like?'

'It's weird. For all intents and purposes I'm me, but occasionally, not very often, I've felt these feelings.'

'Really…'

'It's really weird. And embarrassing you know, it's like there is still a degree of male within this body.'

'You mean there was action downstairs?'

'No. No nothing like that, but there was something that I can't quite describe. Like do you remember the storm, the first year we were here Kate?' The psychologist and a few others nodded. The others listened carefully, having read the mission reports.

'Where you and McKay were stuck out all night, while John played hero?'

'When doesn't he try and play hero?'

'Good point. Go on.'

'Well after the Genii had left and Sora was in her cell I had gone back to change out of my wet clothes.'

_Elizabeth was finally getting feeling back into her fingers. The shower had been deliciously hot, and her pyjamas mercifully warm. Not exactly the clothes of a leader, but at this point she was too tired to care. As she dried her hair with a towel, there was a knock at the door._

'_Come in.'_

_The door opened and the silhouette of John Sheppard appeared. The lights in her room were off; they didn't want to use too much power while the storm trailed off. In a few hours the rest of Atlantis would return, but for now they were alone._

'_John, what is it?' He remained at the door; she could feel his eyes on her. But what they were saying, she didn't know. Finally he moved towards her, the first time she had seen him uncertain. He stopped within inches of her; she could feel his warm breath on her cheek._

_The emergency lighting from the hallway cast a glow over his eyes and as she stared into them, she nearly stopped breathing. His hand touched her face._

'_I thought I'd lost you.' His eyes searched her face with a look of such pain, but at the same time sheer joy that she was alive. She couldn't help but shiver under the intensity of his gaze. Without speaking he removed his dry jacket and placed it over her shoulders. Now there was something of his between them, he hugged her, tangling his fingers into her hair. 'Promise me you'll be alright. Don't ever do that to me again.' He pulled away, his hand running through her hair and back to her cheek. 'I thought I'd lost you.' With one final breathtaking gaze, John turned and walked out of her room, squaring his shoulders and returning to military mode._

As she finished the room was silent.

'It was that look in his eyes. That's what I've felt. Some of his emotions are still tied up in this body.'

'Let me guess and you only feel them when you look at you, as in your body?' Kate asked, turning into psychologist mode.

Elizabeth nodded, embarrassed. 'What he wore just now. You won't believe what I felt. It was scary.'

'His body was obviously turned on.'

'But it was me. I was getting turned on by me. How narcissistic is that?'

'You said his body was. You weren't though were you?'

'No I saw it and was angry more than anything.'

'So it's not narcissistic. You are fine; it's his body you have to keep under control.'

'Great. That sounds like fun.' Liz paused. 'I think I'm going to head for bed. This conversation has just completely freaked me out.'

'Good thinking 99.' Elizabeth grinned at Laura.

'See you all tomorrow.' Smiling she turned and walked out of the room. As soon as she was in the hallway, the smile vanished. She didn't trust John one bit while he was wearing that. She shook her head. She didn't know why she had brought it. But seeing as she was so used to living out of a suitcase, she'd been able to fit in most of her wardrobe, and in a brief moment of insanity must have packed that in. As she turned the corner, a young Lieutenant was standing, looking shaken.

'Lieutenant?' The poor man jumped nearly three feet.

'Sir!' He regained his military persona.

'I was looking for Jo…Doctor Weir. Have you seen her?'

'Yes Sir. She came by a few minutes ago.'

'I see. Where did she go?'

'Towards the transporter Sir.' He leant in. 'Sir, permission to speak freely?'

'Granted.'

'You won't stand a chance Sir, once you see her.' Elizabeth widened her eyes. She _knew_ it. The bastard was going to saunter around Atlantis looking like _that_. She grinned dryly at the Lieutenant.

'I suggest you don't spread that around Lieutenant. If you know what is good for you.' A raised eyebrow and a look that could turn grown men to quivering messes later and the Lieutenant was shaken for the second time that evening.

* * *

When John entered the control room, only the skeleton crew were present. That Canadian technician, no Grodin of course, but he was good at what he did, was there. _Did the man ever actually sleep?_ He wondered how many people knew of his switch with Liz.

As the technician glanced up, he froze as John gave him a smile.

'Good evening.'

'Ma'am.'

'So what's going on? I haven't been up here in a while.'

The Canadian cleared his throat nervously. 'SGA-3 and -5 came in at their scheduled times other than that it's been quiet.' He glanced up quickly, before returning to his Ancient computer. 'May I ask a question Doctor Weir?'

'Of course. And call me Elizabeth.'

A nervous smile. 'I was just wondering why you haven't returned to full duties, Doctor Beckett has obviously given you a clean bill of health, but I just wanted to ask if you were alright.'

'I'm fine; I'm guessing you heard about what happened on the planet.'

'Yes, well not exactly, Zelenka hasn't come through with who has won the kitty yet.'

'Well Doctor Beckett just wanted to give it a few more days before returning John and I to full duties, just to make sure we suffer no after effects.'

'Well as long as you are alright.'

'I am thank you.'

'Doctor Weir?' The sound of his own voice caught him off guard. _Oh dear. I'm in trouble now_. Elizabeth walked up towards him and the technician _what _was_ his name?_ 'I was wondering if I could have a word.'

'Of course.'

'Excuse us.' Elizabeth motioned for John to walk out to their balcony. The door closed ominously behind John and as he turned, he found Liz glaring at him. At this point in time, John being in trouble was an understatement.


	9. Hell Hath No Fury

**Disclaimer** As always, they don't belong to me.

Hmm... methinks I should have added on "John whumping"... he doesn't get injured as such, but lets just say he isn't going to have fun these next couple of chapters. We have a short scene here, I really have a thing about John's "Kirking" so that comes up often (if you haven't noticed) throughout this story. Anyways I'll post chapter ten soon so these poor people won't stay angry at each other for too long :D. Thanks as always for your reviews, I really enjoyed writing chapter eight, although I kept getting images of John (as himself) walking around in heels. V. V Disturbing. Also I wasn't sure what to call our favourite technician in this chapter so I stuck with Chuck. I'm not sure why but the character (not the actor himself) just doesn't remind me of a Chuck, but I can't find any other name that suits him. Maybe that's why he has yet to have a name (but as long as doesn't die anytime soon I'll be happy :D).

_Chapter Nine – Hell Hath No Fury_

'Liz look, I just thought it'd be fun.'

'Fun? To dress up in the most provocative thing I own and simper around Atlantis?' He shrugged his shoulders.

'I just thought your body needed to relax.'

'Yeah you are relaxing it right out the top of that shirt.'

'You didn't mind when you first saw me.'

'That's because you weren't parading around in front of people like Chuck.'

'Who?'

'The technician in there.'

'Oh is that his name?'

'Yes. That's his name.'

'Come on Liz surely your sense of humour is alive somewhere under all that strength.'

'My sense of humour is just fine Colonel.' She took a deep breath. 'For God's sake John, I know this isn't the most enjoyable of circumstances, but please, for me, try and respect my body.'

'I respect your body very much. I've seen this in a mirror.'

Elizabeth was beyond angry.

'You chauvinistic pig.'

'Elizabeth,' he touched her shoulder. She pushed him away.

'Don't you touch me. God John, I thought you were different. But obviously this is what you must behave like off world. No wonder you have floozies hanging off you from the moment you step through that gate. Is that all this means to you? Is that all _I_ mean to you? Every time you go through the gate I worry whether or not I'll see any of you again, but obviously all you worry about is where your next bout of meaningless sex comes from.'

'That's not true Liz. It's not like that. Usually they throw themselves at me, and when a woman comes into your room naked, it's very hard to turn her away.'

Elizabeth snorted. 'Oh you poor thing.' John looked at her face. There were tears in her eyes.

'I just thought –'

'Well you thought wrong John Sheppard.' _Damn it_ she was nearly in tears. Why did this man bring out every emotion within her? She felt lost. She must have looked it too, because suddenly she felt arms around her.

'I didn't mean to hurt you.'

'I don't demand anything from you John Sheppard, except respect. So if I don't have that from you then there is no point in either of us continuing this conversation.' She looked at him. 'Do I have your respect?'

'You know you have more than respect from me.'

'Then prove it John. That's all I ask. Show that you have some semblance of respect for me.' With that she pulled herself away from the person until moments ago she trusted with her life. John squared his shoulders and looked out beyond the sea. He closed his eyes.

'This was a joke Liz.'

'My name is Elizabeth.' His eyes remained closed as he heard the door open and shut behind her.


	10. Doctors Orders

**Disclaimer **Not mine

Thanks to those of who reviewed the last chapter... I was a bit worried about how it would be taken, conflict can be difficult to write, but I'm glad that you enjoyed the argument. In fact I'm almost sorry that I move on quite quickly in this chapter. I wasn't sure how to handle the aftermath but I hope this will suffice, I wanted to get on with the story because I like convoluted plot lines, and heaven forbid they get a rest from insanity to deal with triffling things like emotions (don't worry, they'll appear again soon) :D... also from now on it's going to get a little more confusing, but I've tried to simplify and define any medical etc. jargon as much as I can... oh and I'm Australian so I like adding o's to the beginning of some words. As always, I love those reviews :D

_Chapter Ten – Doctor's Orders_

There had been someone hammering on John's door for the last ten minutes. At first he had been hopeful that they'd get the hint and go away, but whoever it was wouldn't get it.

After he had made his way back to Elizabeth's room and out of the skirt and shirt, he'd changed back into his favourite pair of Elizabeth's pyjamas. It wasn't cold, but the flannelette smelled of her and reminded him of just after the storm. He smiled grimly. Growing bored of the insistent knocking; he got up and unlocked the door. Deep down, he had hoped that Liz had been standing there, but instead the Scottish doctor stood, extremely angry.

'Save it Carson. I've been yelled at enough today.' Carson moved into the room and closed the door behind him.

'Why is it that I have a very emotional Elizabeth in my infirmary?'

'She didn't tell you?'

'Aye she did. Everything.'

'Well then you know I don't need a lecture.'

'I'm not here to give you a lecture, although I want to hit you over the head with the nearest heavy object.' John thanked his stars his guitar was still back in his room. 'Look John I'm not going to get involved anymore than I have to, but we need you two to work together. As much as I respect Colonel Caldwell, he isn't either of you.' He smiled wryly.

'It was a joke Carson.'

'I know John. She did understand that. But you have to remember that Elizabeth is in a difficult position. She fought so hard for you to get a promotion, so you could remain CO of Atlantis. Despite how politically correct the world is no one will ever be seen as equals. There will always be a minority to bring people down. You were present when Kavanaugh had a go at Liz last time. She is just worried that if she shows any kind of weakness people will think less of her.'

'That's not true Beckett. Besides Kavanaugh is an ass.'

'That he is, but regardless, do you really think that Liz, despite how well she hid it, didn't feel the least bit hurt by Kavanaugh's remarks?' John smiled grimly.

'So you got any ideas how to make it up to her?' Carson looked at John. 'No. No, that is just wrong.'

'What? She's a woman, you're a man.'

'She's leader of Atlantis and currently pissed off that I'm playing Captain Kirk. Plus seeing that she is in my body doesn't exactly turn me on.'

'I don't need to hear about what turns you on Colonel.'

'You suggested it.'

'I said nothing of the kind. In fact I didn't say anything.'

'I could see you thinking it.'

'I'm sure Colonel.' There was laughter in Carson's eyes.

'In all seriousness, any ideas?'

'I'm afraid Colonel that is up to you. But I'm going to trust that you will mend this.'

'Just pass the super glue.'

'Good.' The Scot moved to leave.

'Carson?'

'Yes lad?'

'How is she?'

'She was pretty upset, agitated, so I gave her a light sedative. She was nearly asleep when I left.'

John smiled his thanks.

* * *

Very few people in Atlantis knew that before her morning cup of coffee, Elizabeth Weir was a force to be reckoned with. She groaned as a sharp stream of sunlight poured across her face. Blinking, she became accustomed to the antiseptic and stark whiteness of the infirmary. Above the antiseptic however was the unmistakable smell of coffee. She turned, nearly smothering her own head. 

'John?' The Colonel shifted slightly and began to wake up. 'What are you doing here?'

'I was beginning to think you wouldn't wake up. Here.' As they both sat up, a crick from John's neck causing him to wince, and he handed her a cup of coffee. 'Cream and two sugars.'

'How do you know how I like my coffee?'

'I know a lot more about you Elizabeth than just how you like your coffee.' He watched her savour the first mouthful. 'I know that your favourite Shakespearean play is Twelfth Night, I know that "To Kill a Mockingbird" helped made up your mind to become a diplomat, I know that you know five languages, six including Ancient, fluently, and that you were learning Goa'uld for a while. I also know that you forgive people faster than you should, and most importantly I know that your trust is the most important thing in the world to me.'

'You were going so well John. Now I feel sick that was so sweet.'

'What, too much?'

'Yes, but seeing as this is a good cup of coffee I'll forgive you for that.' She smiled. 'I'm sorry I got angry last night.'

'You had every right too.' He smiled softly. 'So, what were you planning to do today?'

'Well, I was going to see what Carson has worked on. Plus I think McKay should be checking in sometime today so we can see if they've found anything.'

'What and ruin our holiday?'

'We do really need to get back to work you know.'

'Good morning you two. Is your neck alright Colonel?' Carson appeared around the curtain. _Did anyone ever sleep around here?_ John thought.

'It is a little stiff.' John rubbed his neck.

'It serves you right for sleeping there the entire night.' Carson scolded.

'You stayed the entire night?' Elizabeth looked at John in disbelief. 'Why on Earth did you do that?'

'I wanted to make sure you were okay.'

'I was drugged out of my mind.'

'It was a light sedative to help you relax Elizabeth. Perhaps you were tired?'

'I repeat I was drugged out of my mind.' Carson rolled his eyes, obviously Liz had yet to realise that she actually needed sleep to function well. She turned back to John. 'You stayed the entire night?'

John shrugged off her question nonchalantly. 'So Carson, found anything to give us a hint as to how to change back.'

'Unfortunately not. However I did want you both to see this.' He picked up a file from off the table next to Elizabeth's bed, Elizabeth moved over slightly and John sat on the bed next to her. 'I hope you don't mind Elizabeth, but I took the liberty of taking a sample of your blood last night, after I apparently drugged you senseless.'

'And…'

'I found the results extremely interesting.' He pointed at three toxicology results. 'This first result was taken just before you went on your holiday. Everything is normal. These are John's body's results by the way. We weren't quite sure how to file them when we realised you had swapped.' He looked at both of them in turn before pointing to the second test. 'This test was taken just after you returned; you had been swapped just over three hours. Of course at that point, you weren't awake and we weren't aware that you had swapped bodies.'

'What's different about it?'

'Here.' He pointed out the results of the levels of hormones in John's body. 'Here is the discrepancy. In the first test there are minute traces of oestrogen and progesterone.'

'Huh? Carson, please speak in English.' John recognised the words, but couldn't remember what they meant.

'They are the main female sex hormones. Even males secrete tiny traces of them, just as women secrete testosterone – the main male hormone – in small amounts. Anyway, within three hours of the swap, your body John, where Elizabeth now resides, had started secreting mass amounts of the female hormones.'

'And you didn't think something was wrong?'

'We realised something was wrong, but before we could do anymore tests you'd woken up.' He returned to the subject at hand, pointing out the final test result. 'This one I took last night. As you can see there is still a large amount of adrenaline in your system, which is understandable, but what is odd is that instead of oestrogen and progesterone, a large amount of testosterone was in your blood.'

'What does that mean?' Carson smiled his wonky smile, which usually meant he didn't have a clue.

'At the moment, I don't have a clue. I have no idea why your hormones are see-sawing the way they are.'

'Maybe it has something do with the situation I was in. I mean I was angry last night.' Elizabeth glanced up at John. 'Sorry about that.'

'Stop apologising.'

'That may be a reason. Actually John, I hope you don't mind, but may I take a sample of your, well Elizabeth's, blood, I want to compare them.'

'Go ahead, just be gentle.'

'You are such a wimp John.'

'I resent that.' Liz smiled sweetly, and then shoved John off the bed unceremoniously. Carson stifled a laugh.

'Behave yourself children. I want to take blood, not clean it up.'

'I was just helping Carson.'

'I'm sure you were Elizabeth.' Carson turned and walked out to get Elizabeth's file and a syringe as John struggled up off the floor.

'You really don't care if your body gets hurt do you?'

'Aww, there, there John.'

'So I'm guessing I'm forgiven.'

'Perhaps.' Elizabeth raised an eyebrow and smiled innocently.


	11. Scientifically Speaking

**Disclaimer** Not mine

Thanks to the reviewers as always :D. Right here we go... now the story is entering territory that appears only when I'm talking to Jaymi at 3am in the morning. I couldn't make this easy for John and Liz, it's just not sci fi if you make it easy for them. Thanks especially to Jaymi for this chapter... after my crazy idea started writing itself she became the voice of McKay. Anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter and it doesn't get too confusing. Reviews are much appreciated :D

_Chapter Eleven – Scientifically Speaking_

After blood had been taken and sent off to be screened, John and Elizabeth left the infirmary together, and going via their rooms to become more properly attired, they headed to the commissary. However, before they had made it, Chuck's voice – _Does that man ever sleep?_ John thought, informed Atlantis that there was an "off-world activation". Without even thinking about it, both of them sped off to the control room.

By the time they had reached the Stargate, Rodney and Radek had come through the gate and were half way up the central stairs. Elizabeth walked past Chuck behind John. She caught the technician glance up at John and turn red before averting his gaze back towards his computer. Elizabeth stifled a laugh. She did see the humour in John's movements the previous evening now. But she was still uncomfortable in the knowledge that three men on Atlantis had seen that emerald green outfit.

'So what did you learn?' John was already interrogating the two scientists, who both ignored him and made a beeline for Colonel Caldwell who was standing behind Chuck. The Colonel looked over at Elizabeth and John.

'Doctor Beckett is on his way up. Apparently he has talked to both of you about blood results.'

'That's right.' Without being told the group walked towards the conference room.

* * *

'First thing's first, how are you two going?'

'We're fine Sir.' Caldwell looked sceptical but made no comment on the broad answer.

'Doctor Beckett, what can you tell us?'

Carson briefed them about Elizabeth's condition within John's body first, before moving onto John's.

'From our tests, it appears that in John's case, or Elizabeth's body, whatever is easier to understand, that before they left,' an overview of the tox results came up on the screen behind the Medical Doctor, 'Elizabeth's blood came back normal. However,' the second test came up next to the first. 'When we took blood when they were unconscious, we did find a large amount of testosterone in her blood.' He pulled the final test result up. 'However this morning –'

'Let me guess, I have oestrogen and progesterone in my blood now.'

'Precisely.'

'Hang on Carson.' Rodney spoke up. 'Do you mean to tell me, that for no apparent reason, Elizabeth's body just decided to produce mass amounts of a hormone she doesn't need?'

'Yes.'

'Why?'

'I don't know. Maybe her body recognised that John's consciousness was in her mind and compensated.'

'But it's the brain that controls hormone secretion isn't it?'

'Yes.'

'So why should John's consciousness have any control over what hormones are produced? Surely Elizabeth's body has her own body chemistry, it is still technically female. So why should a consciousness have any control over what her body is doing?' Carson considered the question.

'Rodney, I have already told you, I have no idea as to why their bodies are doing what they are doing. You have just spent the last couple of days working out what that thing does. So why don't you tell me?'

'That I can.' Everyone turned to the scientist.

'Well we are not quite sure, but from what we can work out –' Radek tried to intervene.

'Yes, yes Radek, okay so we aren't 100 sure _but_ and this is a big but, we are about 99.99 sure.'

'Why do I suddenly feel worried?' John whispered to Elizabeth. She bit back a laugh and nodded in agreement.

'Their consciousnesses weren't just swapped. The reason why their hormones are all over the place is because their consciousnesses are taking over.'

'What?' John looked incredulous.

'For some reason, Elizabeth's consciousness isn't just sitting in your body, it's rewriting some of your cellular structure.' John was silent.

'How is that possible?' Elizabeth glanced at John, he looked shaken.

'From what we can tell, there was a civilisation on the planet about eight thousand years ago, very closely related to the Ancients, seeing as that was their main writing language. Anyway, this civilisation was extremely matriarchal. The women were the bosses, while the men stayed home and cooked.'

'Sounds good to me.'

'You'll like it even better in a moment, Elizabeth. It seems that when a couple decided to have children, to ensure that the women could protect the men at all costs, they invented this machine. It swaps the couples consciousness for several weeks for fertilisation and implantation to occur. They then changed back.'

'Rodney…' John didn't like where this was heading. 'What are you trying to say?'

Rodney looked exasperated; the scenario was easy enough to understand. 'Well so that the woman was only inconvenienced for a short amount of time, instead of just swapping bodies for the duration of the pregnancy, they swap bodies for about two weeks. During which, the male body undergoes a transformation.'

'What _kind_ of transformation Rodney?'

'The reason why your body is undergoing the hormone changes is because there is a trigger within Elizabeth's consciousness that is causing a womb to grow.'

'_What?_' For the second time in as many days, John was going to faint.

'Have you ever seen the movie _Junior_, I'm pretty sure it could explain things better.'

'Are you telling me, that while Liz is in my body, she is creating a womb.'

'It's actually called a uterus before it's a womb.' They turned to Elizabeth. 'What?'

'Hang on, how does the man become pregnant then? And how is the baby born?'

'This part is conjecture, but from what I can understand, the _uterus_ is fully formed, complete with implanted baby.'

'Zygote. Well embryo if it's already implanted.' John shot Carson a death glare.

'I don't care what it's called. I'm about to get pregnant. Without sex or anything.'

Rodney turned to Radek, bored with the current conversation. 'With this knowledge now, who wins the kitty? I mean no one said that they'd swap bodies, but now that we find that technically the machine is a conception device.'

Radek caught on. 'But who actually is pregnant, Elizabeth starts the pregnancy rolling, but John carries the child.'

'I'm so pleased that you two are enjoying my situation so much.'

'Look, can we stop it is the main point?' Elizabeth looked hopefully around the room. While this was amusing, knocking up her head military officer didn't really fit into her long term plans.

Rodney and Radek exchanged glances. 'We don't know.' Before John could say anything, Radek continued. 'When the culture was thriving if a couple undertook the change: that was the point of no return. From what we have read, once the embryo is implanted, both people would return to the ruins and change back. If you go back now, it could severely damage your systems.'

'I have a question.' Colonel Caldwell was a little bemused by the current circumstances and finally decided to ask what seemed an obvious question. 'Why did the race die out?'

The two scientists were silent. John took it as an ominous sign.

'Rodney… what happened to these fine but insane people?'

'Apparently the womb was a "one use only" thing, and so couples only ever had one child.'

'Well what about having children without the sex change part?'

Rodney looked forlorn. This was going to be the toughest news yet. 'The male body is not supposed to bare children. It isn't supposed to have so many female hormones produced in such high concentrations.'

'Rodney…' Rodney tried to look amused but failed.

'The levels of hormones completely damaged the reproductive system of the men. They were pretty much rendered infertile. The culture couldn't sustain numbers and they died out.'

Liz had buried her face in her hands as Rodney had told John this, so she missed John's face turn white as the cocky fly boy fell into a dead faint. The sound of her body hitting the ground however alerted her to the fact that John obviously wasn't taking the news of the upcoming termination of his sex drive well.

He wasn't having a good day.


	12. Growing Pains

**Disclaimer **They don't belong to me

I'm glad that the responses I've received are positive and I haven't freaked you all out too much. Thanks once more to you lovely reviewers, I really appreciate knowing that you are enjoying this as much as I did while writing it. This is another one of those filler chapters I'm afraid, but don't worry, chapter thirteen enters some nice Sparky territory, so for you shippers out there your continued patience is much appreciated :D, so I'll post that in a couple of days so there won't be too long a delay. Read and Review as always and thank you once again!

_Chapter Twelve – Growing Pains_

Elizabeth had walked next to the trolley that had taken John down to the infirmary. He had woken up shortly after leaving the briefing room, but Carson had strongly suggested that he stay on the trolley if he knew what was good for him.

Now she watched as Carson took another sample of blood and then left John sitting on the edge of an infirmary bed.

'Spit it out Liz.'

She moved towards him and sat next to him.

'I'm so sorry John. If I had known that this was going to happen –'

'Neither of us could have known.' John sighed. He felt his own arm move around his shoulders as Elizabeth tried to bring him some comfort.

'I will fight this you know.' She turned to him, her eyes sparkling. 'I'm not going to roll over and let this happen to you.' Elizabeth couldn't wrench her eyes from his face. For the first time since she'd met him he looked almost defeated. The sound of someone clearing their throat broke their gaze.

'Elizabeth,' Carson couldn't even bring himself to smile, 'I was wondering if you could come with me. I want to see what's happening in there.'

Elizabeth nodded and stood, John right behind her. Carson opened his mouth to tell John to stay, but closed it. He should see this too.

* * *

Carson watched as the Ancient version of an MRI scanner moved over John's body and his insides were displayed on a computer screen. Zooming into his abdomen Carson searched for any form of discrepancy. There was nothing abnormal. 

'Nothing might have formed yet. We've only been changed for three days.' John watched on hopefully.

'It doesn't make sense.' The Doctor hadn't realised he'd spoken out loud until John spoke.

'What doesn't make sense?' Carson sighed.

'According to what Rodney and Radek have found, female hormones are produced in mass amounts from day one in the male body. Why then has your body returned to secreting testosterone? And why, Elizabeth, did your body produce testosterone just after the swap took place?'

'Maybe my body is fighting the change.' John sounded hopeful.

'Aye that's what I thought, but that still doesn't explain why Liz's body chemistry changed.'

'What if another reason they died out was because the machine triggered both consciousnesses to start producing mass amounts of hormones.' Elizabeth had been thinking about this on the way down to the infirmary. 'So as well as the female sex hormones in men, they couldn't find a way to stop male hormones from being released in women.' Carson took up the thread.

'You might have something there love. When a woman's body undergoes menopause, the female sex hormones stop being secreted, and so the ratio to female and male sex hormones within her body becomes more even. The increase in testosterone in a woman's blood thanks to the machine could cause the body to go into premature menopause.'

'So both members of the population were rendered infertile.' John added.

'Exactly.'

'But that still doesn't really explain _why_ our bodies are fighting this so much.' Elizabeth said as Carson helped her off the bed.

'Well a different body chemistry to start off with. While most races we've met off-world are similar to humans, more often than not we don't share the same body chemistry. As well as that, maybe there was a ritual that needed to be performed, because you didn't, and you weren't prepared, your bodies are still more or less in control.'

'For the moment.'

'Yes John. For the moment.'

'So you think that there is still a chance that we haven't beaten this.'

'We don't know how long it actually takes for the female to breakdown the male's defences. For all we know, you aren't fighting this anymore than any of the people from this world did.'

'Carson, I've found something. Come to my lab.' McKay's voice was slightly tinny as he spoke to the doctor via his microphone. Elizabeth and John looked at Carson, and without speaking, they all ran from the infirmary.

* * *

'The rest of our team has just come back from the planet. We'd kept the teams same sex, so fortunately there were no more incidents. That's the first thing. Apparently the machine will only work on a couple of the opposite sex. Secondly, the couple needed to make contact within the confines of the ruins for anything to happen.' 

'How do you know this?'

'On one of the stone pillars there was a story. One of the lines was –'

'"The greatest lesson comes from knowing the other side."'

'How'd you know?'

'Because I translated that line. I didn't understand what it meant when I said it.' Elizabeth thought back to what happened amongst the pillars.

'Well anyway, the entire story is about how to become one, the couple must swap bodies so that their line may be passed on. To truly understand each other, they both must sacrifice their bodies to each other.'

'By swapping bodies?'

'Yeah. It then goes on with instructions. All they had to do was stand in the centre of the monument and hold hands.' John hit his head on the table in front of him.

'I grabbed your arm.' He looked up. 'I grabbed Liz's arm. Please don't tell me that this _thing_ decided to work because I grabbed her arm.'

'John whose body are you in currently?' John groaned, before getting up.

'Please excuse me, while I go and kill myself.' He began to walk out of the room, Elizabeth followed.

'Hey if you are going to be offing my body, I'm coming too.' McKay got up to walk after them.

'Let them go Rodney. They need to deal with this for the moment.' The scientist looked up at Carson. He watched his friend.

'Don't even think that this has anything to do with you Carson.'

'I suggested that they go for this trip if you remember.'

'You however didn't suggest that they take a walk and it wasn't your fault that they found the ruins and you were in another solar system when it happened. I should have responded faster.' Carson shook his head.

'No Rodney. Things happen. We just have to find a way to change them back before we have a pregnant John on our hands. I'll be in the infirmary if something happens.' Rodney nodded and as the MD left his lab, the scientist went back to reading the translations of the ruins. _Please let there be a way to reverse this_.

* * *

John stalked around Liz's room. It was weird how second nature going to her room had become. Elizabeth stood in the doorway watching. 

'Calm down John.' John looked at her sceptically. 'I told you I'm going to fight this thing.'

'How? How can you fight something you have no control over?' Another angry turn as he reached the far wall of her room.

'I don't know how John, but I will. But if you are so concerned with your own predicament, I ask that you stop getting angry.'

'While you sit there and impregnate me.'

'Oh of course heaven forbid you become pregnant. At least you'll have had a child if we can't stop this. I'm going to go through menopause remember. I'm sorry but I wasn't planning to deal with hot flushes for at least another twenty odd years. I'm sorry that you won't be able to hold up your image and jump the next thing with two legs and a pulse, but do you really think that is high on my worry list at the moment? I don't want you to get pregnant John.'

'That makes two of us.'

'Oh for heaven's sake. Grow up John. You're behaving like a child.' Elizabeth paused, an idea flashing through her mind. John recognised the change in thought pattern and stopped.

'What?'

'I need to see those tox-screen results again.' Without another word she left the room. John hot on her trail.


	13. The Other Side

**Disclaimer **Still not mine

I enjoyed writing this chapter, a hint of a theory, a dash of cliched material and a nice draught of Sparky goodness, not to mention more of my strange sense of humour... finally John can laugh at Liz. Thanks as always to the reviewers, please keep them coming... I live off reviews :D

_Chapter Thirteen – The Other Side_

'Liz, will you slow down?' John had been speeding after Elizabeth from the moment she left her room. She had made a beeline for the infirmary, bursting through the doors and causing half the nursing staff to jump.

'Elizabeth?' Carson had just gotten back to the infirmary and was startled by her appearance.

'Carson, can you take a sample of my blood? As in his,' she pointed at John who was two steps behind her.

'What?' John was confused. Carson had nodded, confused, but seeing as Elizabeth looked as though she were a tornado, he nodded to one of the nurses. The young woman hurried back with a large syringe and several bottles. 'Liz what are you doing? Carson, do you want to loosen that a bit?'

Carson tightened the tourniquet around the bicep of Elizabeth's body and smoothly took a sample of her blood.

'Ouch! Does someone want to tell me what the _hell_ is going on?' Carson looked up at John and shrugged. He then capped the bottle and gave it back to the nurse.

'Priority screening.' The nurse nodded and walked towards doors at the end of the room where the blood was given to one of the haematologists. 'That shouldn't take too long hopefully.' He looked at Elizabeth.

She nodded. 'I need to know the results as soon as possible. I think I have an idea on how to slow down the change.'

'Go on.'

'If my theory is correct, that last sample of blood is going to have high amounts of testosterone in it.' She looked at John, before informing Carson of their fight. 'I think there must be a signal within our minds that causes the changes in our hormone levels. Because when we were fighting, John was experiencing raw emotion, which is usually helped along by hormones such as adrenaline and testosterone, right?' Carson nodded, catching on. 'Therefore because he was reacting as though a man would in this situation, the signal, whatever it might be, goes off and the brain secretes large amounts of testosterone. This morning however, when you took the last blood test, you found vast amounts of oestrogen and progesterone. I think that is due to the fact that neither of us was in an extremely emotional situation.'

'What about you last night then Liz?' John was getting the idea as well. This time Carson answered.

'Last night you two had had a fight, but instead of John getting angry, Liz did. I'm not saying that women don't get angry, but because anger and lashing out are considered stereotypically more male, the signal for Liz didn't go off, instead the body reacted as though it were male. However if we put Elizabeth into an emotional situation which is stereotypically more feminine, like a maternal situation, large amounts of female hormones will be produced.'

'So to slow down this process we simply have to do a bit of role reversing.' John didn't like where this was going.

'Just like that pillar said, we have to know the other side.' Elizabeth smiled softly at him.

'So what I'm going to be stuck doing cross stitch and looking after children?'

'No, hopefully nothing like that, and what is so wrong with that anyway? Although I have a feeling that having a night with the girls like last night, and even wearing something distinctly feminine would help.'

'I knew that was going to come back and haunt me.' Elizabeth grinned this time.

'But Elizabeth, you have to remember not do that kind of stuff.'

'What?' Elizabeth stared at Carson in disbelief.

'Well being with the girls is more likely to bring out the feminine side of you and thus secrete the female hormones.'

'So now I'm stuck playing Commando while John gets to relax.'

'No, I'm going to tell you to relax, but you just can't do anything stereotypically female.' Elizabeth sighed, then nodded. She saw Carson's argument.

'But I don't even know if my theory is correct.'

'I know, but for the time being, until I get those results back and we know for certain, I want both of you to try and hold off any more change for as long as you can.'

They both nodded.

* * *

Elizabeth had walked John back to her room.

'So what are you planning to do for the rest of your day?'

'No idea. You?'

'Well I was going to find something more distinctly feminine to wear.' John raised an eyebrow and Liz rolled her eyes.

'Loser.' She playfully pushed him into her room. John eyed her. 'Don't even think about it Sheppard. You aren't supposed to get emotional remember.'

'Who says I'm emotional?' He smirked before turning and sauntered away. Sauntering felt very strange he decided as he sat down, back straight, looking righteous.

Elizabeth watched him bate her. 'Well I'm glad. I don't want you getting angry, because I need to ask you if you could do something for me.'

John paused. _Why was it that for the last three days she had gotten the better of him?_ 'What do you need?' She beckoned him to the bathroom, grinning. 'Lizbeth…'

* * *

'No. No. I don't care what you bribe me with, I'm not doing that. No way.'

'It doesn't hurt that badly.'

'No get that away from me now.'

'You are such a wimp John. It won't bite. Besides you said you would do this for me.'

'No I asked what you wanted. I didn't have _this_ in mind.'

'Wimp.' Elizabeth looked at John. He really was a child. They were sitting on a towel in the middle of her bathroom, the long pants that had been covering her body's legs discarded and replaced by shorts. She had gotten John that far, but he seemed to have frozen when she told him what she wanted him to do.

'John all I want you to do is wax my legs. I'd get you to shave, but I don't want my skin covered in nicks.'

'I'm not pouring boiling wax on my legs and ripping it off.'

'It's not as bad as it sounds.' John shook his head. Elizabeth sighed. She hated bargaining. 'Well it looks as though I'm just going to have to shave this thing off.' She picked up her shaving cream, sprayed the gel into her hands and began to wipe it onto John's three day stubble.

'What are you doing?'

'You wax my legs and I won't put this razor near your throat. I've never actually shaved my face before, you wouldn't want to go around with wads toilet paper stuck to your face would you?'

'You are evil.'

'Yes.'

'No wonder you have brokered so many agreements. You're Hitler in disguise.'

'I know for a fact that there are still a few people that don't know we have changed bodies. You wouldn't want to have to tell them that you have had a bad day and forgot how to use a razor would you?'

'I won't surrender.'

'Well then I could take off your hair. Give you a proper marine crew cut –'

'You wouldn't.' John started to fear for his hair. 'You like my hair.'

'Well then the stuff I cut off I'll keep.' John's eyes darted around her face, looking for traces of humour. There was none.

'You wouldn't.'

'Wouldn't I?' More shaving gel was squirted into her hands and this time it was placed on his hair.

John had no alternative but to attack. He grabbed her around the waist, a movement he found difficult seeing as Elizabeth's arms were tiny compared to his waist, and tried to drag her to the ground.

At first Elizabeth was startled by John's sudden movement, but seeing as she currently had the size advantage she let him move past his point of balance, before using John's own strength to flip him onto his back. They were both breathing fast as Elizabeth gazed down at John. She didn't see her body puffing slightly as Elizabeth put the razor down, rather she saw John, breathing fast, her on top of him.

'That wasn't very nice John.'

'I didn't have a choice. I'm sorry but my hair comes first.' As he spoke, he pulled a hand towel from the railing just above him. He then proceeded to wipe his face clean of the shaving cream. 'I couldn't let you do it.'

As John finished wiping her face, Elizabeth grabbed both his wrists gently. Taking them in one hand she held them to the ground just above John's head.

'This is so very clichéd.' Her voice was barely above a whisper.

'What's wrong with the odd cliché?'

'Good point.'

Liz realised as she kissed John that she had never even considered the possibility of ending up taking control on her bathroom floor. Being human of course she had had random fantasies, usually him pulling her into a broom cupboard or something to that effect, but it was always him making the first move. She knew precisely what to do, it was after all her body she was aiming to please. Her mind began to argue and tell her how warped the situation was, but she ignored it. She ran her fingertips down the length of her arm, her skin had always been sensitive there, and she felt John move beneath her. She grinned into the kiss.

'What?' John's voice was muffled.

'Nothing.' She broke off the kiss and stared into her eyes, registering them only as a window into John's soul. He lifted up his hand and cupped her face.

'This is insane.'

'And travelling to other planets through subspace portals isn't insane?'

'I never said I didn't like insane. In fact I like insane very much.' He smiled, watching her, he moved to kiss her. Suddenly she sprang up. 'What?'

'Oh wow.' She crawled off him and John realised she was bright red.

'Are you alright?'

'Emotionally, I'm fine. Physically, not so much.' She was still blushing and had placed her head in her hands. 'This is so embarrassing.' John was about to ask what was wrong when he realised. He grinned savagely.

'Enjoying yourself are we?' She gave him her patented death glare.

'Don't you laugh. I currently have blood pooling in places it shouldn't be pooling. Are all your pants this tight?' She had brought her knees up to her chest. It was the strangest feeling she had ever felt. She glanced at John and the fire seemed to reignite. Surely this wasn't healthy. She was looking at her own body.

'Well I don't think we have to worry about your testosterone levels currently.'

'Screw you John.' She had hoped that if she just got angry this _thing_ would go away.

'Well that's one way to get rid of it.' Getting angry definitely didn't seem to help. Particularly when one was given images like that to feast on.

'You bastard. You're enjoying this.'

'Not as much as I could be.'

'That's disgusting. We're talking about your… problem here.'

'Elizabeth, it'll go away. Eventually. Just think of dead puppies or something.'

She instead focussed on her breathing and trying to ignore the pressure building up below John's waist. John apparently, wasn't finished with his torment. She heard him move slightly and felt him breath into her ear.

'The greatest lesson comes from knowing the other side.'

Elizabeth felt her face flush. How was it possible that she had any blood currently to spare to send to her face? She was sure she was going to die of hypoxia as all of John's blood, oxygenated or otherwise, hurtled down towards his belt buckle.

'You bastard.' She breathed, her eyes closed.

'Stand up.'

'I don't think I can.'

'Sure you can. Trust me.' She felt his hands pull her shirt off. His fingers brushed against her skin.

'Oh God.'

'Sorry.' He almost sounded genuine. She then felt herself stand up, leaning on both the wall and him. 'This might come as a bit of a shock at first okay Lizbeth.' His voice was soft, concerned. It made her melt even more. As she returned to monitoring her breathing, she heard the shower turn on and he carefully removed her pants.

'This is so embarrassing.'

'Liz it's my body. It's not as though I haven't seen any of it before.' He was moving around, but she didn't trust herself to open her eyes.

'But my body hasn't.' She could see him smile in her mind as he walked her to the shower.

The freezing water hit her like sharp needles on her skin.

'Bloody hell!' She opened her eyes and after the shock had worn off, found that she was in the bathroom alone, the towel still on the floor, but John's clothes folded neatly on a stool. Elizabeth never really understood why guys always went and had cold showers, but as her body was assaulted by the freezing pin pricks, she felt the heat that had been building up John's body abate, and the pressure that had been building up slowly alleviate itself. Her breathing returned to normal. She turned off the taps and stepped out of the cubicle. Drying herself, she slowly climbed back into John's clothes. John had been right. At least for a little while, they didn't have to worry about her testosterone levels.


	14. Doctor Beckett's Guide to Resolving UST

**Disclaimer **Not mine

Thanks as always :D... The name of this chapter came to me as I was watching various SGA episodes and deciding that Carson was a hopeless romantic (or at least a Sparky fan too). I also love Dr Lee from SG-1 so watch out for the Critical Mass hint and a mention of the goings on in The Long Goodbye. Read and Review as always.

_Chapter Fourteen – Doctor Beckett's Guide to Resolving UST_

John was sitting on Elizabeth's bed when she came out of the shower.

'Better?'

'Much. Thank you.' She glanced around the room nervously. John couldn't help but smile. 'Yeah yeah laugh it up fly boy.' She threw him a dirty look.

'Should we go and get Beckett so he can take a blood sample?'

'Funny John. Really funny.'

'In all seriousness though, you are alright?'

'I think so. I mean I have just experienced something that very few women ever have so that's something of a bonus. Mind you I'm not envying you boys at the moment.'

'I just realised something.'

'What?'

'We haven't had breakfast yet.' Elizabeth glanced at her watch.

'It's after lunch.'

'Well then we've missed out on two meals already, so I think we need to eat. Carson would be upset if we didn't eat.'

'I suppose he would.'

* * *

By the time Elizabeth and John had reached the mess hall, most of Atlantis had been and gone, so they had the hall almost to themselves. Only a couple of scientists spoke in hushed conversation in a darker corner.

They remained quiet as they picked up their trays and sat down to eat. Elizabeth hadn't realised how hungry she was and quickly polished off all that was on her plate.

'Hungry?'

'Must be. I guess your body needs more food than mine. I mean that makes perfect sense, but I just didn't think about it.' She paused as she collected her thoughts. She was rambling. She only rambled when she was nervous and seeing as most of the time she hid her nervousness she never rambled. She was completely messed up. Obviously trying to seduce her head military officer screwed with her brain.

'Why are you nervous?'

'I'm not nervous. Why would I be nervous? I'm talking to you, it's not as though I've only just met you and we are brokering a major treaty or something.'

'You're rambling.'

She opened her mouth to disagree but paused before changing her tact.

'I'm sorry John.'

'For what?' He was savouring the last of the turkey sandwiches that the Daedelus had brought with them.

'For what I just did before.'

'Trying to get me to wax my legs was very evil. But I forgive you.'

'I don't mean that John.'

'You mean what lead you to need a cold shower.' Elizabeth rolled her eyes and blushed slightly.

'Yes.' She hissed.

'Don't worry about it. It happens.' He smiled sweetly. 'But don't think I won't use it as blackmail if I need to.' Elizabeth stared at him.

'You wouldn't.' An innocent grin. She was about to tell him off when Carson and McKay, both of whom had entered the commissary without Elizabeth's and John's knowledge walked up to them.

'John wouldn't what?' Rodney was curious. Elizabeth looked furious.

'John wouldn't wax my legs for me.'

'What?' Both the doctors looked at the couple.

'I asked him to wax my legs, I haven't done them since I went away and John said that he wouldn't.'

'Right. Anyway I'm pleased to see you both here. Eating is especially good to see.' Carson beamed at them; they were actually following his orders for once. 'And I have the results of that blood test Elizabeth. It looks like you were right.' He looked at both of them. Elizabeth especially seemed out of sorts. 'Are you alright love?' Elizabeth glanced up at Carson.

'Yes I'm fine. I guess I'm just tired.'

'Understandable. You two have just been given a hell of a lot of information to digest. I just hope you are finding ways to keep your body chemistry normal.' Carson didn't know whether it was what he had said, but what ever had happened had caused John to choke on his drink and the Colonel had a coughing fit lasting several minutes. Elizabeth on the other hand became very interested in her hands. 'Are you sure you are both alright?'

John nodded, wheezing slightly. Carson let his mind wander for a brief moment. Why had they acted like that? Surely they hadn't? They wouldn't, would they? Maybe they had _finally_ done something to resolve all that sexual tension that had built up over the last couple of years. Carson glanced at Rodney. The man was deeply involved with eating and had barely registered John's fit, let alone what had brought it on. Carson smiled at his two patients.

'Well I'm glad to see you are trying to stay healthy while you are like this.' He returned to the meal in front of him with apparent gusto, but kept an eye on both John and Elizabeth as he ate. There was an unspoken conversation between them, before they both got up.

'If you'll excuse us Carson, Rodney.'

'Of course. Take care you two. If you need too, feel free to return to the infirmary.'

'Thanks, but I think I want to sleep in my own bed tonight.'

'Of course.'

As Liz followed John out of the commissary (unknowingly being watched by Carson who was still sure that something very non-professional was happening between them) she realised what the problem with downtime was. She now had left the commissary and there was still at least four hours of day light left. She was so very bored. She was so deep in thought that she almost ran into John who had stopped to talk to her.

'Want to go and watch a movie?'

She nodded. 'Anything to pass time.'

'I agree, this all gets very monotonous doesn't it.'

'Yes. Very monotonous.'

* * *

It was nearly dark by the time Elizabeth and John left the video room. It had taken them nearly an hour to choose a movie. They had ended up watching the 'real-life' version of "101 Dalmatians". Both were confused as to why that movie had been brought to Atlantis in the first place, but figured, seeing as it was a kids movie there wouldn't be any sexual tension, no sex what so ever and nothing too sappy, or too gung-ho to alter either of their body chemistries for the worse.

'You know that movie wasn't that bad.' Elizabeth turned and stared at John in disbelief.

'It was a kid's movie.'

'So, all those dogs. I thought you liked dogs.'

'I _do_ like dogs. But most of those were computer animated.'

Elizabeth glanced at John, catching him looking at her. They smiled at each other.

'Dinner?' Elizabeth asked.

'I'm not hungry.' Elizabeth tipped her head in agreement.

'Do you think Carson suspects something?' John pondered her question.

'I think he might think something, but it's not as though the man is subtle with what he thinks we should do. That man is a walking romance novel.' Elizabeth giggled. '"Doctor Beckett's guide to Resolving Unresolved Sexual Tension."'

'You've been thinking up that one for a while haven't you?'

'Just trying to find a place to introduce it.'

'I see. It should be a best seller then. Just send it to all those writers of TV soaps.'

'Any TV show even.'

'Yes true.'

'I wonder what his words of wisdom would include.'

'Well I think he'd probably say try and have a good bout of sex whenever possible, preferably in clichéd circumstances.'

'And when you are overtaken by aliens, try and make sure that they have been sexually deprived for a good hundred or so years.'

'Oh so is that all I was to you? A body just to feed your sexual appetite?' John pretended to look offended.

'For Phoebus yes probably, for me, don't count on it.'

'Oh really, pray tell Doctor Weir.' Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.

'That is for me to know and you to never find out.' John stared at Liz.

'I never pictured you as a tease Miss Elizabeth.'

'There are a lot of things you probably wouldn't picture me as Colonel Sheppard.' With that, Elizabeth turned down the hallway towards John's room leaving John, opened mouthed staring after her.


	15. To Sleep Perchance to Dream

**Disclaimer **Not mine

This is probably the most "adult" chapter... nothing too graphic but I thought I better just let you know. Just a couple of nice revelations, a John still not completely keyed in with Liz's wardrobe and an excerpt from Dr. Beckett's Guide to Resolving Unresolved Sexual Tension. Please Read and Review and thanks as always.

_Chapter Fifteen – To Sleep Perchance to Dream_

John stared at Elizabeth's ceiling. This was the first night he had actually slept in Elizabeth's bed. He was tired, and the bed was comfortable, but he just couldn't calm down enough to sleep. Both nights previously he had been in the infirmary. The first having just changed and probably drugged out of his head by Carson, and the second he had been watching Liz and had just dozed off, her hand in his. But tonight he was all alone. No patiently beeping heart monitor, no Liz near him to talk to. No one to worry about. He rolled out of bed. He needed to go and talk to Liz.

He was nearly at his door when there was a knock.

'Can I come in?' His own voice was quiet, testing to see if he was asleep.

'Yeah. I'm awake.' As the door slid smoothly open, Elizabeth entered and with a wave of her hand, the door shut behind her.

Elizabeth stared at her own body.

'John? What exactly are you wearing?' John looked down and blushed. He'd found a matching set of rather more risqué underwear and had worn them as it had grown too hot for pyjamas.

'I wasn't sure what to wear to bed.'

'What about pyjamas?'

'Well I did originally have those winter ones on, but they were too hot to sleep in.' He paused. 'You do have a thing with animals don't you. All your pyjamas have animals on. Dogs, cats, sheep. You name it.'

'That's not true. You obviously didn't find the negligee that goes with what you have on.'

'Really, what animal does that have on it?'

'Oh John that is really cruel. That _completely_ depends on who jumps me when I'm wearing it.'

For the third time that day, Elizabeth had surprised him with an extremely "un-Elizabeth" comment. He took her hands and looked directly into her eyes.

'Who are you and what have you done with _my_ Elizabeth Weir?'

'_Your_ Elizabeth Weir?'

'Yes that gorgeous creature that is always so prim and proper.' John considered. 'Well I guess you will have to do until she comes back. So what are you doing here anyway?'

'I couldn't sleep. What about you?'

'I couldn't sleep either. I don't know why. I feel tired but I just can't relax.'

'This is stupid, but I thought perhaps it was because, well apart from being drugged, it was because you were close by. That probably sounds sad, but both nights I've at least known, even if it was only unconsciously, that my body was close enough to touch.' She blinked. 'I should go.'

'No. I understand. Trust me. I've been staring at your ceiling for the last hour trying to fall asleep and it hasn't been working so I'm up for any suggestions you have.'

'Well I'm more than willing to sleep on the floor.'

'No way Liz, this is your room. If anyone should get the bed, it's you.'

'But you are in my body, so therefore you should be in the bed. Common courtesy from a guy.' John looked at Liz sceptically. 'Fine I'll take the bed. As long as you do as well.' John froze.

'What?'

'It's big enough for us both. Besides seeing as what happened this afternoon, I wouldn't think you'd mind me being so close to you.'

'No I don't mind, but what if something happens?'

'John, you are standing there in my underwear, I'm fairly sure that if your body felt the urge to do anything to mine at this point in time, I don't think we'd currently be caring whether we were on the floor or the bed.'

'Are you saying that I don't find you attractive?' Was his body _blind_?

'No. I'm saying that I'm so tired I don't give a damn what you are wearing. And obviously your body agrees with me. Because I am determined not to be in the need for another cold shower for the rest of my life.'

'Oh. Right. Because I was going to say Liz –'

'Don't go there John.' He stopped. It was obviously a bit of a struggle to keep the tabs on his body's attraction to hers.

'Right.' John turned down the covers. 'Do you prefer the left or the right?'

'Right.' She moved towards the bed. 'Get in.'

John didn't understand why he was so nervous. They were just sleeping. Nothing more. He lay beside Elizabeth as she rolled over to look at him.

'Thanks.' She smiled softly.

'No problem.' Within moments, both of them were asleep.

_Elizabeth turned over and opened her eyes. She had felt John's eyes on her ever since she had woken up the few minutes before, but had waited until she was almost awake to speak to him._

'_Are you alright?' He nodded._

'_I was thinking about this afternoon.'_

'_What about this afternoon?'_

_John didn't answer, instead he moved so that his lips were millimetres away from hers, before softly crushing that distance. Elizabeth felt the same fire that had been in her that afternoon rage through her. _

'_John.' Her voice was thick, muffled as she spoke into his mouth._

'_Shh.' He breathed, barely audible as he deepened the kiss._

_Elizabeth felt the blood leave her body. The same light headedness returned as they battled, barely pausing for air. She let his hand trace the same path she had taken earlier that day down her neck. She felt the sharp stabs of ecstasy filter through her body._

Elizabeth's eyes flew open. She was breathing hard. She had never had a dream so vivid. John had been in plenty of her dreams, but she had never been able to hold onto the feeling of complete elation when she woke up. She glanced guiltily at John as she got up. So much for not wanting another bone chilling shower. She was a ball of sweat, a scent that was distinctly John Sheppard mingling with her own familiar smell. It was odd, but intoxicating at the same time. Innocent sleep mixed with her guilt over the dream. The pressure beneath John's pyjama bottoms grew as she drew in the scent causing her to move towards her bathroom.

_John stretched as consciousness called to him. As he blinked, he found himself staring into Elizabeth's eyes, her irises almost black with desire._

'_Elizabeth?'_

_She didn't speak. Instead she slowly moved so that she was straddling him. He nearly ceased existing, gazing into her eyes as Elizabeth looked at him like _that_. It hurt to breathe as desire crept into his blood. She kissed him, teasing him at first with soft, light kisses, before he touched her shoulder. His touch drove her to harden the kisses. She ran her fingers down his neck. He groaned as she left his mouth and followed her fingers with her own mouth. Her fingers danced over his body, knowing exactly where to touch. John was drowning from her simple touch._

A movement next to him caused John to snap awake. He watched Elizabeth climb back into her bed next to him. She didn't acknowledge him _must think I'm still asleep_ but John saw the small beads of moisture dripping from his hair and tracing their way down his now bare back. She had obviously given up on the t-shirt this time and tried to silently return to her position next to John.

'I thought you were giving up on cold showers.'

Elizabeth was startled, she hadn't realised John was awake.

'I didn't mean to wake you.'

'Don't worry about it. Are you alright though?'

'Fine. Just a little agitated that's all.' She turned to him as she lay down next to him. 'I shouldn't feel the way I do. I'm looking at me, but all I see is you. It scares me. I can't help caring.'

'Liz, we came here not knowing if we'd ever go back to Earth. It makes sense that we feel something. What kind of leaders would we be if we didn't even like each other?'

'This is a different feeling than "like" John. You know it is.'

'Would you seriously take all of this away just to try and have a "proper working relationship"?'

'And loose my flyboy? Are you kidding?' She smiled before growing serious once more. 'You know we can't do this again. Not now, not when we swap back.'

'I know.' He gazed at her, knowing that she was right, insane to give _this_ up, but right all the same. She reached over brushed a piece of hair behind her ear. 'But we can't just pretend that we don't feel anything. It'd drive both of us crazy.' Elizabeth agreed.

'Think of the UST that would build up.' John raised his eyebrow at Elizabeth's remark.

'I guess you have read the chapter on what to do when that happens.' He grinned at her, his eyes asking for the one last chance to use this opportunity. Elizabeth pretended to consider.

'Lets see, that would be chapter two.' She cleared her throat. 'Doctor Beckett recommends that when two people are under the influence of alien technology, they use it as an excuse to relieve any under lying tension between others around them, and more importantly themselves.'

'I see.'

'Any action taken by the pair, while useful for both parties to remove any Unresolved Sexual Tension, can not be frowned upon as breaking any rules stupidly put up by society.' Elizabeth grinned at John.

'We don't want to let Carson down then.'

'Of course not.' John moved so that his arm lay over Elizabeth, her head resting under his chin. Their bodies entwined, they allowed sleep to claim them once more.


	16. Desperate Measures

**Disclaimer **Not Mine

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now approaching some turbulence. Please remain seated in an upright position and read the following calmly. Descriptions of any Medical jargon used are found within the chapter, however please do not hesitate to let the author know how much you are loving this story by leaving a review. There is a button found below the text to help you do this. As a warning to any passengers who have not watched the episode "Michael" there is a spoiler as to what the episode is about within the chapter. Thank you for flying Perspectives Air and we hope you are enjoying your flight.

_Chapter Sixteen – Desperate Measures_

Waking up next to Elizabeth was the strangest feeling John had ever experienced. Pleasure, mixed with the knowledge that he'd allowed his personal feelings to get in the way of his behaviour seemed to cloud his mind, but seeing as he had never been one to stick with the rules he ignored his conscience. He felt Elizabeth slowly wake up. She groaned.

'Morning.' She opened her eyes and looked at him blearily.

'Good morning.'

'Do you want me to get you some coffee?'

'No I'm actually alright this morning.' John feigned shock.

'Someone call Carson, Elizabeth doesn't need coffee.'

'Funny.' John grinned cheekily at her before climbing out of the bed. Elizabeth meanwhile closed her eyes again and tried to get back to sleep.

'Wake up Liz.' As a response, Elizabeth pulled the covers over her head.

'Be quiet I'm sleeping.'

'And I thought you said you didn't need coffee.'

'Okay so maybe I do.' The covers remained over her head.

'You are a strange person Elizabeth Weir.'

'Shh. Elizabeth is sleeping. Do not disturb.'

'I have seen you go for days on end without sleep. Why are you so sleepy now?' The covers were pulled down slightly so that her eyes peeked out from above them.

'This is what happens when you send me on a holiday. I get bored. And when I'm bored, I sleep. And when I start to sleep all the time, it's hard to make me stop.' The covers returned to covering her entire head.

'I'll go and get you a cup of coffee.' John said as he pulled a shirt on over his head.

'Thank you.'

'And a change of clothes.'

'Thank you John.'

'Be quiet I thought you were asleep.'

'Just bring me coffee fly boy.'

'Yes Ma'am.'

John couldn't help but smile as he walked down to the commissary. In the past week he had learnt more about his boss than in the one hundred weeks or so previously. As he picked up a tray and filled it with food and grabbed two cups of coffee, Carson appeared behind him.

'Morning Colonel. How are you feeling?'

'Not too bad. You?'

'As well as could be expected.'

'So how's your experiment going?'

'Very well. Actually Colonel, that's something I need to talk to you about. I think we are nearly up to the stage where we can test the drug.'

'You mean you need a live specimen.'

'Yes. We've been using Wraith cells at the moment and every test has worked so far, but we need to see if the drug will work on an actual Wraith.'

'That's fantastic.'

'Is it?'

'Come on Beckett, this is a war. We can't exactly write them a note and kindly ask them to stop feeding on innocent people. They wouldn't just shoot the messenger. They'd feed off him.'

'Aye. I guess you're right.' Carson paused. 'I took an oath to preserve life. But is it right to alter another group of self aware beings to bring that about?'

'Carson, it's us or them.'

'I bet the Nazi's were thinking the same thing when they invaded Poland.'

'Yes they probably were, and think about it, both groups have committed genocide, or attempted to anyway.' Carson sighed.

'I guess it is too late to have cold feet. I just hope that this drug will make up, even in a tiny part for the people of Hoff that I helped kill.'

'Carson, don't make me order you to cheer up. And don't think about using the excuse that you aren't military so you don't have to listen to me.' Carson smiled gravely.

'Yes Sir.'

'That's better. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to deliver Elizabeth breakfast in bed. That was the most un-male thing I could think of.' This time a real smile tugged at Carson's lips.

'Well I wouldn't want to disappoint Elizabeth.' John turned to leave. 'Although John, I suggest that when you decide to actually leave your room for the day you don't wear one of your shirts. I know I haven't seen much of Elizabeth's wardrobe, but I'm fairly sure that it doesn't contain a military issued black shirt that seems to be about three sizes too big.' John looked down.

'What? Oh right.' _Damn_. His own shirt swam on Elizabeth's body. He was surprised that he hadn't noticed before Carson.

'Just be grateful that I noticed and not someone who was unaware that Elizabeth isn't herself at the moment. Otherwise you would have had some explaining to do.' Carson was obviously chuffed with John's situation. And at the fact that the military officer was almost at a loss at what to do. Finally, he turned and walked back towards Elizabeth's room.

* * *

In the time taken for John to get to the commissary and back, Elizabeth had returned to a state of being barely conscious. It had in fact taken a lot of coaxing on John's part to get a coherent sentence out of her.

'This is why I never go on holiday. It's pathetic. It's barely been a week and all of a sudden I have lost all rhythm and keep falling asleep. I'm never usually as bad as this.' John considered what Liz had said.

'You don't think that this,' he moved his hands, indicating that he meant the swap, 'has anything to do with it?' She shrugged and closed her eyes. 'Oh no you don't Liz.' He held her head up with his hands. 'You are not falling asleep again.'

'I'm so tired John. So, very, _very_ tired.' Her voice was thick with fatigue.

'Look at me Liz.' All humour had left John. Only worry laced his movements. 'Please open your eyes. Don't fall asleep on me now Lizbeth.' He tapped her face with the palm of his hand trying to get her to wake up.

'Lemme sleep.' She tried to push him away, but all strength had left her arms. She leant into him like a rag doll, collapsing back onto the pillows as John stood up. He grabbed her radio off her bedside table, he couldn't hide the worry from his voice as he ordered a medical team to Elizabeth's quarters.

* * *

Carson had wasted no time getting to Elizabeth's quarters. Within moments he'd ushered John into her bathroom ('just put her shirt on alright, the less questions asked the better'), and had returned to Elizabeth's sleeping form. The only hint of life was the steady rise and fall of John's chest.

'Elizabeth?'

No reply. Carson carefully gripped her shoulder with his right hand and her hand with his left.

'Come on Liz, I'm not asking you to wake up. Just squeeze my hand.'

Not a twitch. Moving his hand up to her wrist he felt for a peripheral pulse. It was there, slightly. The erratic beating triggering the release of adrenaline into Carson's own blood stream.

'What's wrong with her Carson?' John's voice broke into Carson's examination.

'I need to make sure that she is getting enough oxygen to her brain.'

'Don't say that Carson.'

'She's breathing on her own, so at the moment that's the best news I can give you.' He turned and motioned for the medical team that was hovering by the door to enter the room.

Within moments Carson lead the parade that was ushering John's body out of the room on a gurney, John never letting his hand leave Elizabeth's limp one. _Please not her brain_. _If anything has happened, please let her brain be alright_.

He felt Carson turn towards him as they reached the infirmary.

'Stay here John.' John obeyed. He stopped walking and watched as Carson called out words most of which John had never heard of. He saw one of the nurse's close off his own body from view with curtains as they attached leads to his own chest and head.

'What's going on?' John barely registered Rodney's question as the scientist stood next to him. Rodney himself had left his office moments after hearing that the medical emergency was for Elizabeth. Behind him came Teyla and Ronon, clearly having come from a vigorous workout. Even in his panic, John still wondered as to what type of workout both of them were involved in, but his usual comment would have been wasted. He had only ever mentioned that question to Elizabeth. And now she was hidden from him.

'She wouldn't wake up.' John felt rather than saw Rodney motion to Ronon with a nod of his head before both men carefully moved John to one of the beds near where they stood. Without resisting he sat down and waited. 'She wouldn't wake up.' He repeated. If he hadn't talked to Carson, if he hadn't have left, he might have stopped this.

As if reading his thoughts Teyla spoke. 'You could not have prevented this Colonel Sheppard.' He looked at her steadily, not trusting himself to talk. He wanted to blame himself. He turned back to the curtains that blocked Elizabeth from them. John sitting on the bed, Rodney on a chair next to it, Ronon and Teyla both motionless, alert, protecting them. They had not said the words, but all knew, John would not leave until he knew that Elizabeth would be alright, and they would not leave John.

* * *

As Carson finally left Elizabeth, it did not surprise him to see the tableau across from where they had left her. Whilst most teams did stay for a while after an injured team member came in, he had known that whoever was conscious and lucid of this team would stay in the infirmary, waiting for any news, regardless of how long it took. More often than not Elizabeth came too, and so now, her team waited in their vigil for news on her. The nurses had commented on this time after time, concerned that perhaps they should only let them stay for "five more minutes". Carson usually waved off their words and five minutes turned to an hour, an hour into the rest of the night if need be. They would sleep where they sat. Taking turns, in case things changed. If there was one thing that Carson envied Rodney for, it was this devotion to one another.

He walked over to them, his shoes barely making a noise on the stone floor. Teyla smiled at him as he approached. They all greeted him as such, trying to be polite, but with the desperate lust for knowledge unable to be hidden in their eyes. Carson sighed. This was always the hardest job.

'Carson?' John finally found his voice.

'She's in a coma.' Rodney couldn't help but look down-trodden, Ronon and Teyla exchanged glances and John seemed to fall into himself.

'Why?' John barely spoke above a whisper. He looked up. He knew the answer before Carson spoke.

'It seems that her body is shutting down to let the transformation, the growth of the womb take place. She's been fighting it so damn hard that the only way this thing can occur is by stopping her from fighting.'

'Are you sure Doctor Beckett?' Teyla watched the Doctor.

'We just got the tox screen back. Her levels of oestrogen and progesterone are shooting up to abnormally high levels.'

'What are you doing to stop this?' Carson broached John's question carefully.

'We've hooked her up to saline and given her some aspirin to help thin her blood. If the levels don't drop off we are thinking of putting her on dialysis.'

'What's that?'

'It's what we use for patients that suffer from kidney failure. It clears the blood of toxins. We can try and purge her system of as much of the hormones as possible. I don't know how successful it will be though.' He looked at John.

'Do it.'

* * *

John sat next to Elizabeth as Carson positioned the portable machine next to her before injecting her with something.

'What's that?'

'Sex Hormone Binding Globulin. Well a synthetic version of SHBG anyway' John looked lost. 'It usually just floats around the body but if we increase the levels of this globulin we are hoping that the dialysis might actually do what we want it to do. SHBG usually binds to any free sex hormones that are floating about and causes them to form the inactive version of itself. Hopefully the hormone-globulin complex will not be able to get through the filters on the dialysis machine and we can remove some of the oestrogen in the blood stream.'

'Next time Rodney says that medicine isn't a science, remind me to hit him. It's worse than science.' John glanced at the dialysis machine. 'The question is though, why on Earth did you bring one of those?'

'We pretty much grabbed every piece of medical equipment that wasn't tied down. Besides, dialysis can also be used to help purge the body of poisons quickly, so it's been used a few times before.'

'So what are you going to do?'

'We are going to be for the moment using a dialysis catheter; we'll insert it into her subclavian and radial veins.'

'Where's that?' Carson ran a gloved finger down the inside of Elizabeth's arm, stopping at her wrist.

'They are two of the bigger veins and so will have a greater blood flow. John, you do realise that you are putting your body at risk. If something goes wrong here your body could suffer horrific damage. Liz could die.'

'Carson you are the best physician in the galaxy. Two galaxies even. I trust you.'

Carson smiled at the praise. 'I'm sure you don't mean that, but I'll accept it anyway.' He returned his attention to Elizabeth, slicing open her arm and inserted a large thick tube into her oozing vein at two points, one just above her wrist and the other at her elbow. 'The blood will flow into this tube,' he pointed at the one leaving at the wrist 'and then flow through the dialysis machine, where a mix of filters and solutions will help remove the toxins within her blood. The clean blood will then flow back into the arm here.' He pointed at where the tube re-entered John's arm.

'Will this work?'

'I don't know, but at the very least I hope it will buy us some time. This has never been tested. Or at least not in any of the journals I've read recently.' As Carson monitored the machine, John watched the shadow fall over his friend's face.

'How much sleep have you been having?'

'Not all that much lad.' He motioned for the nurse to keep an eye on the machine. 'It's going to be about three, maybe four hours to filter most of her blood, so you don't have to stay.'

'I'll stay.'

'I thought you might say that.'

'Go and get some sleep Carson.'

'I thought you'd say that too.' Carson smiled grimly. 'I'll be back in four hours.' He turned to the nurse. 'If anything happens don't hesitate to come and get me.'

'Don't make me order you to have some rest Carson.'

'I'll go, just as long as you and Liz promise to stop getting yourselves in trouble.'

'And where's the fun in that?'

Carson shook his head, leaving John alone to watch his own blood flow silently amongst the tubes of the dialysis machine.


	17. Out, damned spot!

**Disclaimer **Not Mine

Wow!! Thank you all so much for your response to the last chapter!!! A change of pace in this chapter, I was randomly reading through Macbeth and this chapter just began to form itself, as a sort of mental torment for Elizabeth. Any quotes come from Act V Scene I of Macbeth - Lady Macbeth has gone mad and is sleep walking/talking, realising that the guilt from killing the King (and planning other murders) has stained her hands forever. There are spoilers from throughout season two. Please read and review.

_Chapter Seventeen – Out, damned spot_

Elizabeth was tired. She could feel that she was asleep. She knew she was asleep, but her body, _John's_ body, refused to stop. Her mind was humming, her body busy. Every pump of her heart sent pain ricocheting down her right arm. She could feel every cell in Johns' body awaken and begin to prepare itself for something. What was happening? Why was his body so awake when she herself was so tired? Every blood cell quivered with excitement as it travelled the winding system of arteries capillaries and veins. Seven litres. Billions of donut-shaped cells making up seven litres of blood within her. _Who would have thought that the old man to have so much blood in him?_

Numbers were not Elizabeth's speciality, but she knew how much the world needed numbers. There were twenty-four hours in a day, seven days in a week, Fifty-four cards in a deck including jokers, seven seasons of "The West Wing", twenty-six letters in the alphabet, Seven Wonders of the World, fifty-one Hercule Poirot short stories, Seven Wonders of the _Ancient_ World, four members of ABBA, seven deadly sins. Seven. Always coming back to seven.

Her arm ached. Why did it hurt so badly?

In the distance, she heard a voice. _Her_ voice. She was tired, why couldn't they go away and let her sleep. She wanted everything to stop.

'Carson said that your arm will hurt after the dialysis Lizbeth. But we have to do this. You have to keep fighting.' John sighed. They had stopped the dialysis two hours ago. John still saw the look of utter defeat on Carson's face when they found out that as fast as the dialysis had taken away the hormones, his body was producing it. They had given her more of the globulin.

'Carson says that if they try and keep the hormones as low as possible they could buy you a few more days. But you're churning out the oestrogen just as fast as we're getting rid of them. He says that fortunately the body has a maximum rate that the oestrogen can be made. And seeing as my body isn't used to making it in such high quantities it's not as bad as it could be. But it's still too fast. I know I've asked a lot of things from you in the last couple of days, but if you could try and help us out it'd be great. If you can't I understand.'

John stared at their clasped hands, Elizabeth's hand, strong and supportive, his own, limp and still.

John's words broke through the haze in Elizabeth's mind, scattering into nonsense. What was he talking about? _Dialysis_ the word wove in amongst her musings. That was why her arm hurt. They were cleaning her blood. _What had she done? Why did they need to clean her blood?_ She felt her blood pulse again. She saw it oozing out of her arm, congealing in ribbons down her arm. _Out, damned spot, out I say!_

She had left the people of Olesia to die by the hands of the Wraith. She was a murderer. _That's_ why they were cleaning her blood. She had killed people to save the life of John. _Hell is murky! – Fie, my Lord, fie, a soldier and afeard? – What need we fear who knows it when none can call our power to accompt?_

She had placed John's life above his team, so determined for him to beat the conversion to a Wraith. _What will these hands ne'er be clean?_

She had been willing to use torture to extract information from Kavanaugh. _Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand._

She had tried to kill John. She had told Teyla to kill him or she would kill every other person on Atlantis._ I tell you yet again, Banquo's buried, he cannot come out on's grave._

'You just need to keep fighting this Liz. I know you will keep fighting this Liz. I trust you.'

_I trust you_. _Trust: how odd that word is_. Elizabeth rolled the word around in her unconscious mind. A single syllable that carries the weight of life upon it. _Trust_. The word echoed endlessly within her mind. Her arm hurt so much. She felt as though electricity was buzzing through her. Pressure was building up in her abdomen as she slowly realised what was happening. Oestrogen, progesterone, words from days ago entered her mind. She focussed on her blood. She could feel the hormones pooling in her abdomen, altering the walls of the blood vessels. They began knitting and weaving together. New cells formed as old cells divided and divided again. The DNA within the cells uncoiled, then recoiled, revealing a new structure to the cell. Muscle began to slowly appear as cells elongated. _No_. Elizabeth focused everything she could on the activity within her. She fought with her own body. _This would not win_.

She felt a sharp prick in her arm and almost heard the swirling of a new substance being injected into her. She knew that what ever it was would help her. Almost pushing the blood along, she let the substance flow to her abdomen. She saw the substance capture the hormones, binding to them, inhibiting them.

She let her mind drift back to nothingness. Her mind hurt so much. As she slipped into sleep, she realised her body had slowed down. The excitement within the cells had abated and her body began to relax. As she drifted, she felt the warmth of a hand covering her own. And heard John speaking quietly to her. She smiled to herself. She knew she would wake up soon. And he would be there when she did.

* * *

Carson stared at the results of the last blood sample he had taken. Elizabeth had been still in a coma, but just prior to him taking the test her heart rate had elevated. Nothing drastic, but her pulse had quickened as though she was in a stressful situation. He had injected her with another dose of the Globulin, and just as quickly as it had happened, her heart rate dropped. It was now at a steady rate. Once it had returned to normal he had taken the latest sample. 

'Doc?' John looked at Carson carefully.

'Her oestrogen levels have stopped rising.'

'What?'

'Here.' Carson passed the tablet computer to John and showed him the two previous blood results. 'The levels have stabilised far below what we expected.'

'You mean she really can fight this thing?'

'For the moment, yes. But I'm not sure how much longer she'll last. At the moment her vitals are fine, but knowing Liz, she's going to fight this to the end.'

'I knew she would.' John frowned. 'How much of a toll is this taking on her systems?'

'I don't know Colonel. It could be that she has been able to monitor her levels, but seeing as hormone release isn't controlled by us, that seems unlikely. But then again, you and Elizabeth swapping bodies seemed pretty unlikely to me four or so days ago, so I'm willing to believe anything at this point in time.' A wry grin from the doctor.

Just as John was about to respond, Rodney's voice filtered into their ears through the radio.

'Carson, John, can you come down to my lab. I've found something interesting.'

Looking at each other for a brief moment, they turned to leave, before John glanced back at Liz.

'Rodney,' Carson smiled at John, 'do you think you could come up here instead, Liz might want to hear this as well.'

'She's awake?' Relief was clear in the scientists' voice.

'No. But I would rather be here in case she did.'

'Alright, give me about ten minutes.'

'Thank you Rodney.'


	18. Shot in the Dark

**Disclaimer **Not mine

We are now entering the homeward stretch (three chapters plus an epilogue of sorts after this chapter). I however don't like things happening easily or fast, and my English teacher in high school (oh so many years ago that it was) said that you could never have enough conflict. So taking this advice and what with Liz's thoughts last chapter I figure that she has an inferiority complex that manifests itself in yelling at John. Anyways please Read and Review, and thanks as always.

_Chapter Eighteen – Shot in the Dark_

Rodney was as good as his word, reaching the infirmary well before the ten minutes were up. He puffed slightly as he reached the bed where Elizabeth still lay. Cradled in his arm was his computer, hopefully holding the answer to their problem.

'Carson.'

'Rodney.' McKay looked around expectantly.

'Where's John?'

'He's gone and gotten something to eat. I told him he had to; he shouldn't be too much longer.' Just as Carson finished speaking the Colonel returned, a muffin-like cake in his hand.

'Rodney.' He acknowledged the scientist around the half chewed pastry.

'Charming Colonel.' John grinned, pieces of cake stuck between his teeth. 'That's disgusting.' John swallowed.

'How about you tell us what you have Rodney instead of pointing out my eating habits.'

Rodney nodded briefly and brought up a picture on the screen of his computer. Both Carson and John looked at the diagram and then at each other.

'Isn't that…' Carson didn't like where this was heading.

'Yes. It's the Wraith dematerialiser.'

'As in the one that…' John didn't like where this was heading.

'Yes. The one Cadman and I were beamed into.'

'Okay. That's great that you are trying to deal with your past. But what does it have to do with our situation?' John looked at Rodney sceptically.

'If we can interface the gate control crystals like we did before, we can send both of you into the dart's memory systems. Then we can rematerialise you both.'

'But won't our consciousnesses stay with our bodies?'

'Not necessarily.'

'Rodney?' John _really_ didn't like the sound of this.

'If we reduce the power output, like what happened when Zelenka first attempted to pull me out of the dart, both of your consciousnesses will be trapped in one body.'

'But we found out that was bad.'

'Yes yes, but you'll only be like that for a short time. We then return the power to normal and then we simply do it again. With any luck your bodies will work out which of you belongs in which body.'

'With any luck?'

'Well it has never been tested before, it's not as though we can ask the lab mice what happens.'

'Are you sure this is safe Rodney?'

'What could go wrong Carson? I'll be monitoring every stage. Nothing will go wrong.'

'Why don't I believe that Rodney?'

'Don't be such a wimp Carson.'

'Oh that's strong coming from you Mr. I-am-going-to-die-from-a-splinter-in-my-finger.'

'You two knock it off.' Carson looked apologetic, whilst Rodney waved off John's words.

'At the moment it's all we have.'

'Why don't we just go through the machine once? Just swap within the machine?'

'It doesn't work that way. When Cadman and I were both rematerialised the first time, both our consciousnesses came with my body. I was in control most of the time, she just tagged along because the machine was trying to release both consciousnesses but didn't have enough power to bring her body with us. However, when we were beamed out the second time, I stayed with my own body and she returned to hers. We assume that it was because my body recognised my consciousness as belonging to it and vice versa.'

'It wasn't just because the machine filtered out the second, weaker energy signature.'

'We thought that at first. But at that point we were both experiencing the feeling of disappearing. Both our energy signatures would have been at the same strength. I'm 99 certain that you will return to your body and Elizabeth to hers.'

'What about the other 1?'

'You'll both return to the same bodies you are in now and you'll become a mother. Failing that you'll both be trapped in the machine indefinitely.'

'Thank you for that Rodney.'

Rodney grinned. 'Shall we?'

* * *

Elizabeth listened silently to the words floating around in her head. Rodney was talking about changing her back. She could feel the pull of consciousness. If he could change them back she could stop fighting. She felt John's hand slip into her own again. _When shall we three meet again? In thunder lightning or in rain? When the hurly-burly's done, when the battle's lost and won._

'Wake up Lizbeth. It's time to wake up.'

_Yes John. It is. But screw your courage to the sticking place_.

John froze.

'Colonel?'

'Lizbeth? Squeeze my hand again.' John stared up at Carson. Without speaking, Carson moved towards the bed and watched as Elizabeth opened her eyes.

'Elizabeth, can you hear me?' She nodded, unable to talk. 'You're in the infirmary. On Atlantis.' Another nod. She turned and looked at John, before glancing at McKay.

'I know that look Elizabeth and until I give you the all clear you are not going anywhere.' She turned back to Carson and raised an eyebrow. Carson stared back defiantly. She leant back into her pillows. 'Don't sulk Elizabeth. Now here, this will lubricate your throat a bit to help you talk.' He poured a couple of ice chips into her hand which she placed in her mouth.

'Thank you.' Her voice was low and hoarse. 'So am I free to go?' Carson rolled his eyes.

'Let me just give you a once over and then I'll hopefully let you go.' Liz looked sceptical. 'You have just been in a coma for a day, forgive me if I'm a little worried about you.' Carson turned to Rodney. 'Will you be ready to go in about half an hour?' Rodney looked as though Carson was crazy. Carson sighed. 'Stupid question?' Rodney smiled smugly and quickly left the infirmary.

* * *

Carson was as good as his word, half an hour later Elizabeth, (who had been forced into a wheelchair – "you choose Elizabeth, you either stay here for another few hours or you take the chair") Carson and John entered Rodney's lab. Not so true to his word, Rodney stood in the room yelling at Radek. 

'For goodness sake, how incompetent are you?'

'Rodney, I have told you three times, I am not completely sure that this is going to work.' Radek was his usual calm self, although the irritation in his voice was causing his accent to thicken drastically.

'Why?' Both scientists turned as John asked the obvious question.

'Why what?'

'Why do you think that this isn't going to work?' Radek looked startled as John asked for his opinion.

'Because Radek is a scaredy-cat who doesn't want to try anything.' Radek looked exasperated.

'I just do not think that it is wise without running simulations first. I do not want to be responsible for either of their deaths.'

'We aren't going to kill them, and what are we going to do, take a group of mice off-world, get them to change bodies, then bring them back here to test them and then get them to fill in a survey on whether they changed back or not?' Rodney left Radek and returned to setting up the dematerialiser.

'I'm just saying that I'm not sure that this machine was built to swap peoples consciousnesses.'

'This machine wasn't supposed to put two consciousnesses in one body either, but look what happened to me.'

'Radek, Rodney,' Liz interrupted. She turned to the Czech. 'As much as I appreciate your concern for us, we need to stop this, and we need to stop this now. I need to get back into my body so I can start running Atlantis again.' She got up out of the chair and walked to Radek, placing a hand on his shoulder. 'Thank you for worrying. I trust you both. Explicitly.' She stepped back. 'How long will you need to get everything ready?'

Rodney stepped away from the machine. 'All done.'

'Good. John?' Elizabeth looked expectantly at John. He remained standing still. 'What is it?'

Moving swiftly, John pulled Elizabeth away from the prying ears of the scientists.

'Are you sure you want to try this?'

'I trust Rodney.'

'What about Zelenka, he has a point, they've never been able to seriously try it.'

'I know, I trust Zelenka as much as I do Rodney, I just said I trusted them both, but what else do we have John? I can't keep fighting this you know.'

'I know that.'

'Don't you want to go off-world again? I have a city to run John.'

'I know, but I don't want you to get hurt.'

'Oh and I'm so self-obsessed that I haven't thought one iota about you getting hurt by this?'

'I didn't say that Liz.'

'Do you know what it was like when I was asleep? I could feel this thing within me growing. I could see it as it was forming. I need to do something John. I don't I don't think I'll be able to keep fighting much longer.'

'You have to Elizabeth.'

'No I don't John. I could let this take over. Then when you are pregnant, I could send us back to the ruins and let you have a child. What are you going through John? Oh so your hormones are up and down, but what else, what could possibly be going so wrong within you that you are struggling to keep it together knowing that you might not be able to keep tabs on your hormones?'

'Elizabeth, what is wrong with you?' He placed a hand over her forehead, she was burning up. 'Does Carson know you have a fever?'

'No John, the Medical Doctor with extensive training cannot tell when one has a fever. Of course he knows. That's why he was so reluctant for me to come down here.'

'We need to get you back in the infirmary.'

'No you need to get me back inside my body.' She brushed past John. 'Let's do this.' John grabbed her arm.

'No you don't Elizabeth.'

'Don't tell me what to do John.' She'd given up on trying to be quiet. 'I'm trying to help you so that you can go off and screw another one of your alien floozies. God John, have you ever thought about what kind of diseases you could pick up? I'm fairly sure that STI's still exist in another galaxy.'

'Is this what this is about? You're jealous.' John cursed himself the moment the words left his mouth. Elizabeth looked crestfallen.

'Do you really think that badly of me John? That all I am, all I do is driven because you're out exchanging bodily fluids with some alien and not me? If I was jealous I wouldn't want you to have your body back would I? At least not before I go around and stick my tongue, or your tongue in this case, down every male person's throat on Atlantis.' She glanced around the room. 'You're right. Maybe this isn't a good idea.' With that she walked out of the room.

'Elizabeth.' Carson grabbed John by the arm.

'This time, I suggest you let her go John.'

John turned away and walked towards the window. Within a few hours dark clouds had massed and the first few drops of water hit the window.


	19. In thunder, lightning or in rain?

**Disclaimer **Not mine

Should have been more specific last time - this story is 22 chapters long, so three more chapters (including chapter nineteen) plus chapter 22 which is more or less an epilogue. Thanks once again for the reviews, it does the heart good to know how much people are loving this story :D. Specific spoilers for this chapter are "The Eye" "The Hive" "Coup De'tat" and "Michael". Oh and I have to especially mention a friend of mine who when reading Macbeth misread "thrice the brinded cat hath mewed", I loved his interpretation and so had to include it. Anyways please continue to enjoy and review.

_Chapter Nineteen – In thunder, lightning or in rain?_

Elizabeth stood out on their balcony. _Their balcony_. She scoffed. How could it be theirs if there wasn't a them? Above her the sky darkened as drops of rain fell heavily. She should go inside. Instead, she let her head fall back and let the large droplets hit her burning forehead. She knew why she had a fever. She was fighting an infection. An infection that came in the form of what was being created within her abdomen. The rain began to drive harder. This had nothing on the storm that had raged through Atlantis in their first year together. As the storm had reached its peak, John had shot Kolya through the shoulder. She had been in front of the man and he had shot him. She had been thrown to the ground as he fell through the gate.

_Elizabeth hit the ground. Her knee cried out in pain. She scrambled to her feet as John hurried to her, yelling out orders that she didn't quite catch. Teyla and Beckett were here? The look in his eyes took her breath away._

'_Sorry I had to do that. Are you okay?' _What a stupid question. I've just been held at gun point and then you _shot_ at me you idiot. Not to mention I've been out in a storm for three hours._ Elizabeth answered the truth._

'_No.' John looked at her once more._

'_You will be.' Turning from her he grabbed her hand and half dragged her up the stairs._

Elizabeth closed her eyes. The rain slapped against the walls of Atlantis, not hard, but persistent. Above the wind, she heard the door open.

'Go away John.'

'I'll tell him that.' The thick accent of Radek Zelenka startled her.

'Radek?' She turned around. 'What are you doing here?'

'I just thought that you getting a cold would not be a good idea.' He moved into the rain to stand next to her. 'Rodney is just making adjustments, Colonel Sheppard went back to his room, and I believe Carson has gone after him.'

'What are you really doing here?'

'I wanted to apologise.'

'For what?'

'If it wasn't for me voicing my concern you both would have been changed back by now.'

'No. You were right to. That's the problem with Rodney, even after blowing up three quarters of a galaxy –'

'I thought it was five sixths.' Elizabeth rolled her eyes but couldn't help smiling.

'Even after doing that the man is still insufferable sometimes.'

'But we cannot deny the fact that he has saved Atlantis numerous times.'

'I know.' Elizabeth sighed. 'Radek –'

'I will go and get Colonel Sheppard.'

'Thank you.' She heard the door behind her open. 'Radek?'

'Doctor Weir?'

'Thank you.'

'You've already said that, you need not say it again.'

'No. I haven't said it enough. When they are off-world you, Carson and Major Lorne are the only people who care enough to ask how I feel. Am I that bad a leader that people can't talk to me?'

'Never think that Doctor Weir. There is no one else here that I would rather have as a leader. Military or otherwise.'

Elizabeth smiled. Radek, knowing that he was no longer needed, left in search of John.

* * *

John stood at the threshold of their balcony. _Their balcony, their city, their lives, their people_. John watched Elizabeth stand in the rain. She would always have the weight of the expedition on her shoulders. All he could do was help lift the burden once in a while.

'Radek said you wanted to speak to me.' Elizabeth was silent. 'It helps if you open your mouth.' Not a word. He was going to have to do this the hard way. He stepped out into the rain, his shirt soaking through almost immediately. He was suddenly glad that he didn't put Elizabeth's body in a white shirt. He looked at his own body. His shirt was plastered to his back. His hair glistened with rain drops. Finally Elizabeth turned to him.

'I'm sorry I yelled.' John shrugged nonchalantly. 'I'm sorry about a lot of things.'

'What on Earth do you have to be sorry for?' He walked beside her and glanced at her face. Even beneath the rain John could see defeat in her eyes. 'Don't look like that Elizabeth.'

'You remember when you were captured by Ford and Rodney took that mass dose of enzyme.'

'How could I not? I would have loved to see Rodney kick some ass finally.' A small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes settled on Elizabeth's face.

'Anyway when Rodney came through the gate I couldn't believe it, you were home. I ran right past him you know. I didn't think about him or Ronon or Teyla, I just had to see you.' She scoffed. 'What kind of a leader does that make me? One that puts one life above another isn't a good leader. I thought afterwards that what if it was Lorne's team that had been taken, and I was scared that perhaps I wouldn't have worried so much.'

'Because you just turned a blind eye when three quarters of his team disappeared.' He turned to her. The rain was driving harder yet again. 'You were very worried about Lorne's team. And you were willing to sacrifice my life for Atlantis. Something I wasn't too keen on by the way.'

'Yeah. Sorry about that, but we weren't ready to hand over puddle jumpers to the Genii. But what if there hadn't really been a coup? Who knows how many people I would have let die?' A shaft of lightning lit up their balcony for a brief moment.

'You would have found out how to stop them. Besides, there was a coup, Beckett saved the day with his treatment, Ladon realised that we could save his sister and had a change of heart. At least for us anyway. You can't dwell on what could have happened.'

'"What's done cannot be undone."' John looked at Elizabeth curiously. 'Macbeth, act five scene one. That's all I've been thinking about lately. That play. When I was in the coma, verses kept coming to me. I kept thinking about everything I had done to put Atlantis at risk. I felt like I was Lady Macbeth. Completely consumed with lust for power that she would do anything to keep it that way, including murdering innocent people.'

'You are nothing like that Lizbeth.'

'Which is why I've agreed for a team to go and hunt down a Wraith to use as an experiment for Carson's drug? And don't tell me that it's a war and that you have to do things like this.' John considered for a moment.

'You know there is only one line from Macbeth I know. "Thrice the branded cow hath mooed."' Elizabeth turned and burst out laughing. John grinned. 'That's more like it Lizbeth.' He looked out to the grey sea as the rain tapered off. In the distance the clouds had begun to break up. A stream of sunlight hit the sea brightening it, making it sparkle. 'You know I think it's time we turned back. What do you think?'

'That sounds like a plan.' She grinned and began to turn back towards the doors. John paused as he felt her stiffen.

'Lizbeth?' She groaned.

'We have to do this _now_ John.' John wrapped his arm around her waist.

'You know your arms are far too small for this.' Elizabeth smiled through the pain. Supporting her, John jumped on his radio. 'Carson, I need you here. We need to swap back now.' He turned back to Liz as her feet faltered slightly. She was fighting to stay conscious. 'Stay with me Liz.'

'Till the end John. Till the end.' Her voice was barely above a whisper.


	20. When the battle's lost and won

**Disclaimer **Not mine

I meant to put this up the other day but my internet was playing up and kept telling me that these pages couldn't be displayed. Anyways here is chapter twenty, more than anything it's just a resolution to chapter nineteen's cliffhanger. I've used artistic licence on how long they are unconscious before waking up from being rematerialised because I wanted to keep the chapter moving a bit faster. Also the bold italic print represents the other person speaking in the rematerialised body. Thank you once again to all you wonderful reviewers. Your support has been phenominal.

_Chapter Twenty – When the battle's lost and won_

Elizabeth had been relegated back to the wheelchair by the time they had returned to the lab, both still soaked to the bone. Her fever had spiked, her breathing was shallow, but she remained conscious. Behind the group a small medical team assembled ready for the worst.

'Rodney we have to go _now_.' John was almost yelling as he reached McKay's lab. The scientist burst into motion.

'I need you both to stand here.' He motioned a place directly in front of the Wraith machine.

'Can you stand Elizabeth?' There was a slight nod as John watched her. 'Lean on me as much as you need to okay?' Another nod. 'I need to loose some weight.' John staggered as Elizabeth nearly fell. 'Okay maybe not that much.' He righted himself as Elizabeth stood shakily.

'Beam is ready, and go.' McKay almost spoke to himself as he started the beam. As it had all those months ago, a white light hit both leaders and they disappeared into the machine. On his laptop, two life signs appeared. 'We have two life signs within the machine. Now's the moment of truth. Reducing power. And rematerialising _now_.' Another shaft of brilliant light came from the machine and Elizabeth's body appeared before them.

Just like Cadman and McKay before her, she fell to the ground unconscious.

'Okay let's change them back.'

'Hold on Rodney. I need to make sure that they both are there first. You just make sure to change the power so we can change them back.'

'Right.' McKay returned to playing with the dematerialiser.

'Elizabeth? John? Can you hear me? I need you to wake up.' Groaning, Elizabeth opened her eyes. 'Elizabeth? Or John?'

'Carson?'

'Who is that?'

'Elizabeth.'

'Thank God. Is John with you?'

'Yeah. I'm here too.' John paused before glancing down Elizabeth's top. Elizabeth's hand slapped her face. 'What?'

'You pervert.' She responded, laughter in her voice.

'Hey I was just checking whose body we were in.'

'You put me in a red shirt this morning. And I'm fairly sure that it doesn't matter what shirt I'm wearing, our bodies have enough differences to save you from looking down my top.'

'Well I thought it was the last chance I would have.' Another slap. 'Hey. This is your body you are bashing up.' Elizabeth's body glanced up at Carson, who looked bewildered as he saw the two identities clearly fight with each other in the one body. 'So, we good to turn back?' John looked at Carson who shrugged and looked up at Rodney. Rodney looked like he was going to be sick. 'McKay?' John's voice was dangerous.

'We have a problem.'

'What kind of problem?' Rodney turned from fearful to snarky in a flash.

'I don't know what kind of problem because if I knew what the problem was then it probably wouldn't be a problem.'

'Here.' Radek spoke up finally and pointed to the screen of McKay's laptop. 'There was an unusual energy spike caused when you were both beamed out. It has over charged the circuits. Fortunately the control crystals are alright but there was serious damage to the dematerialiser.'

'What _kind_ of damage?' Clearly John was in control, Elizabeth's eyes flashing dangerously at the two scientists.

'Nothing we can't fix.'

'How long?'

'Couple of hours.'

'You don't even know where the problem is.'

'We'll find it, let you know. Everything is fine. You'll just have to share Elizabeth's body for a little while. That's all.' Elizabeth blinked.

'No John. I'm not letting you have control because you will kill them. Yes I'm not happy either, but regardless of how you want to kill them I still have a problem with the fact that you are going to kill them.' A pause as Elizabeth heard something that no one else could. 'Sulking won't change my mind John Sheppard.' Another pause. 'No, neither will that.' Rodney and Carson exchanged curious glances. 'You do that and I'll start telling everyone that your love of big weapons comes from your lust to try and compensate for something… oh wouldn't I? I have seen certain things Colonel.' Elizabeth smiled evilly. 'I suggest you get back to work Rodney, Radek. You have three hours, and if you aren't ready by then, I'll let John try and negotiate.' Another smile. 'Carson, let me guess, to the infirmary?'

'Got it in one Elizabeth.'

**_Now Liz, is it just me, or has this past week or so, from the moment we changed I mean, been a complete and utter shambles?_** John spoke, the silent partner within Elizabeth's body.

'I'll agree with you there John.' Elizabeth shook her head. She must look like a lunatic talking to herself like she was. At least she was back in her body. It had been so strange, feeling so ill in John's body, then as soon as she was in her own, she was fine. No tiredness, nothing.

_**I'm not insulting Beckett or McKay or Zelenka, okay perhaps McKay, but why is it that at every stage of this we've met more obstacles than if we were in a steeplechase?**_

'That would be because you are involved John. And when has it been that a mission you have gone on has occurred without a hitch?'

_**There has been the odd occasion.**_

'But nothing to write home about.'

_**Hey do I tell you how to run Atlantis?**_

'Yes. Frequently.'

_**Okay, bad example, but surely it just can't be me that has caused this to be as bad as it has.**_

'Hey I never said it was bad. I found it… informative, interesting, painful, funny, and at times I have wanted to kill you. But I still don't see that it has been terribly bad. Just different.'

**_That's to put it mildly._** John saw through Elizabeth's eyes that Carson had joined them. **_Hey Doc._**

'Carson.' Elizabeth acknowledged him.

'Elizabeth?' Carson watched her with the usual gaze he used when examining patients who more often than not didn't tell him the truth.

'Yes.'

'Well at least I've gotten one thing right. Anyway, Rodney just asked how you were.'

'We are fine.'

'And as your doctor, I'm asking you how you are.'

'Well, I have a headache.'

'What kind of headache? Sharp or just dull thumping headache?'

'Dull. Still there though. Every so often it spikes, particularly when John takes over.'

'I see.' He looked at the tablet computer he held in the crook of his arm, looking through data. 'Well apart from your… current companion, you are as healthy as you ever were. Well before this escapade anyway.'

'So no excess hormones filling my system?'

'No. There's nothing, which actually is more confusing than anything. It seems that your energy signature has recognised that you have returned to your body, and is disregarding any existence of John. Which is what happened when Laura was placed into Rodney's body. So for you, this is a good thing.'

'But…'

'But, I don't understand _why_ this should be happening.'

_**McKay said that this would happen though, didn't he.**_

'What do you mean?' Carson was about to respond to Elizabeth's question but she raised a finger and then mouthed the word _John_.

_**He said that once we were transformed back into our own bodies, as per normal, if I were pregnant, that your body would return to normal. It was my body on the other hand that would have to support our kid.**_

'Good point.' Carson looked confused. 'John said that Rodney said that once we swapped back I would return to normal. He on the other hand wouldn't.'

'That makes sense.' The Scot considered. 'Actually this is starting to make more sense. The dematerialiser somehow realised that McKay's life sign was weaker somehow. However in this case, Elizabeth was the weaker one, purely because you were ill. If this had happened by accident and Elizabeth you hadn't have been sick, I'm fairly sure John's body would have come out.'

**_Are you saying that I'm weaker than Liz?_** Even in her mind, Elizabeth could see John pouting. Carson must have seen Elizabeth's expression because he hurried on.

'That's not to say that you are weak John. It's just that it's been proven that male babies are no where near as strong as female babies. I'd say it continues in adulthood, but is just expressed in different ways. So in Rodney and Laura's case, the machine extracted the weaker of the two life signs. In this case it happened again. Only what is different is that the life sign that was weaker was Elizabeth, regardless of what body she was in.'

Carson took a much needed breath.

'You see what we discovered with the dematerialiser is that when the body is beamed into the machine, the body itself no longer exists. It's only read as a life sign. And so when it read Elizabeth's failing life sign, it attempted to extract her out, and her life sign brought her own body with her. Just like with Laura and Rodney, there wasn't enough power to extract John's body, however there was enough power for your life sign to come too.'

Elizabeth nodded, slightly dumbfounded. It was all too confusing for her tired mind. Carson smiled as she tried to stifle a yawn.

'Get some sleep. Both of you.'

'Yes Sir.' Carson smiled as he shook his head.

'I'm not that bad.'

**_Not bad for Doctor Hitler, no._** Carson looked confused as Elizabeth laughed.

'Sorry. Going to sleep now.' Elizabeth moved down the bed in an effort to get comfortable.

'Good.' With that Carson left her, _or would it be them?_, to get some well needed rest.


	21. Dream a Little Dream of Me

**Disclaimer **Still not mine

Thanks as always. I've been blown away by the responses you all have given to this story. To tell you the truth I was going to put this chapter up a couple of days ago, but a small part of me wants me to hang on to these last two sections for as long as possible. There are spoilers in this chapter (however brief) for "The Storm/Eye", "Duet" and "Grace Under Pressure". Oh and the idea for this chapter came from watching Duet... I hate getting songs stuck in my head and the one I've included seems to find it's way in whenever I watch Duet (and I only know about three lines so it's twice as annoying). Please enjoy (and review :D)

_Chapter Twenty-One – Dream a Little Dream of Me_

Rodney glanced at his watch. Whilst he was sure that Elizabeth wouldn't let John kill either of them, Rodney was not one to gamble on the fact that hopefully Elizabeth was actually in her right mind and that she hadn't yet grown sick and tired of not being herself. He and Radek had been working for several hours. Although in all probability Carson would have given Elizabeth a sedative to give the scientists a bit more time, Rodney was beginning to get restless.

Not only was he yet to return the dematerialiser to working order he was suffering from a fate worse than death. It was worse than being stuck out in the rain for several hours. Worse than having Laura in his head. Worse than being stuck in a sinking puddle jumper. Just. Rodney was dying. Simply because he, the smartest person on Atlantis had _The Spice Girls_ stuck in his head. '_Cos tonight, is the night, when two become one_.

Rodney hit his head on the desk.

Radek had been watching his boss for sometime and so when the man finally gave up whatever he was fighting and slammed his head onto the desk in front of him Radek simply shrugged his shoulders, pushed the wheeled chair that seated McKay away from the desk and started to fiddle with the dematerialiser which lay just beyond it.

The Czech had a feeling that he had known what was actually wrong with the thing for sometime, but the damn Canadian – who was now whimpering in the corner – had simply waved off anything Radek might have said and continued to hum that _Spice Girls_ song. Yes. That was definitely something to put on Radek's blackmail list for his boss.

Rodney should have had this figured out. All they needed to do was to reroute the power, however seeing as how distressed the man was, Radek decided that perhaps this time, he would let Rodney off the hook.

'Rodney?' The scientist didn't respond. 'Scary Spice?' This time Rodney looked up and glared at the Czech.

'Not one word Radek.'

'Of course not Nutmeg.' Rodney tripled the glare, but Radek shrugged off the look that would cause most military men to start quaking in their steel-capped boots. 'I think we are ready.'

'What did you do?'

'It was a simple case of needing to reroute the power through a different section of the dematerialiser, one slightly more stable than the one we used before. I was just about to run a simulation.' Rodney was about to complain when Radek hurried on. 'I believed you to be too distracted with female pop groups to be of much help.'

'Well it hasn't worked yet Radek so don't crow too loud.'

'Of course not Rodney. I wouldn't dare.' As Radek rolled his eyes, a third member joined the conversation.

'How are you getting on?' Carson's voice made them both turn towards the door. 'The patients are asleep, I managed to give Elizabeth a light sedative to help her get some more rest. I figured I might as well try and do that while I had her in my care. Heaven knows how much sleep she _isn't_ going to get once they return to normal.' The Medical Doctor moved into the room.

'We think the machine is ready to go again.'

'You _think_?'

'Well we need to run simulations.' Radek, always on the side of caution, watched as Rodney gathered up a pair of mice and placed them in front of the machine. Rodney moved to the laptop that was connected to the Wraith technology.

The three held a collective breath as the mice disappeared into the machine. 'Reading two life signs.' Rodney barely spoke above a whisper. He really didn't want to evoke John's wrath. Another shaft of brilliant light left the dematerialiser and two perfectly formed mice returned. 'Oh thank God.'

'Just make sure they stay that way.' Rodney glanced at Carson curiously.

'What way?'

'Alive.'

'Thank you for your vote of confidence Carson.' Carson gave a wry grin.

'No problem Rodney.'

'So are you going to go and get Elizabeth?'

'Give it a few minutes Rodney. I'll go and check on them, but if they are still asleep then you'll just have to wait.' Nodding to the scientists, Carson left the room.

* * *

Elizabeth rarely dreamt when she was in the infirmary, or if she did, more often than not she never remembered it. This time however, she knew she was dreaming. She _must_ have been dreaming. She _hoped_ she was dreaming. Well maybe not all of it… 

_She stood in the gate room gazing around, the normally quiet room had been lavishly decorated, as though for a party. Elizabeth smiled thanks as John walked up and handed her a glass of something. She had learnt by now that asking "what is it" was a dangerous question. Sometimes it was much better to live in complete ignorance._

'_So are you enjoying yourself?'_

'_Yeah. It's not too bad at all. I must say the decorations are… interesting. I didn't realise that IV lines could be used in that way.'_

'_Well that's what you get when the med team does decorations. I'm just not going to ask what is actually in the IV line to make it that colour.'_

'_Please don't.' John grinned cheekily. Elizabeth took a sip of her drink, nearly gagging at the strength of the alcohol. 'Please don't tell me that they used pure ethanol or something for the alcohol.'_

'_No I'm fairly sure they just raided Zelenka's homebrew.'_

'_I didn't hear that John.'_

'_Hear what?'_

'_Exactly.' She made another face. 'And can someone please stop giving Rodney alcohol. If I hear another _Spice Girls_ song I'm going to go and kill myself.'_

_Up on the steps, Rodney had somehow been handed a microphone and was now wailing _Two Become One_ into the karaoke machine. The man had obviously had more than enough to drink, and it seemed that the science boys had rigged up a system so that every time Rodney needed to think about the next words, he could suck what again looked like an IV line and the amber liquid of Zelenka's homebrew was siphoned out of a bottle and into Rodney's mouth._

'_I didn't even know Rodney drank.'_

'_You're kidding me. The man's a bottomless pit.'_

'_Bottomless maybe, Legless definitely.' As Elizabeth spoke, the alcohol in the scientist's system finally won and the man collapsed into a drunken stupor on the ground. Elizabeth watched as the sober Carson eased the man up off the steps and placed him in a corner. The mass of bodies lying there was steadily growing._

'_There are going to be a lot of people with hangovers tomorrow.' John's voice broke into Elizabeth's thoughts._

'_Yes. Although the way you are going, you might have one too.'_

'_Me? Never. I have a constitution of a bull. I could go all night.'_

'_Really?' Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. She clearly caught John off guard as he realised what he had said._

'_What I meant was, I could stay here all night, drink as much as I wanted and not be hung-over.'_

'_Whatever you say fly boy.' She grinned. 'I need some air.' She smiled and let the invitation hang in the air. Within a moment he joined her as she passed Major Lorne, the officer serenading the nursing staff, all of which looked as though they wanted to give him a sponge bath right then and there. Her smiled widened as she saw the murderous looks several of the other military boys were giving the Major as he lapped up the female attention._

_As they reached their balcony, John stood back, allowing Elizabeth to cross the threshold first._

'_And who said chivalry was dead?' John winked._

'_I still try and surprise you now and again.'_

'_You surprise me often John. I like surprises.'_

'_Really?'_

'_There is the little girl inside that gets all giggly when someone surprises me.' John cocked his head to the side._

'_Can I meet this little girl?'_

'_You would have to surprise me first.'_

'_That's easy enough.'_

_Elizabeth was about to respond when John placed his lips on hers. The kiss was light, playful, but as Elizabeth responded, deepened. Slowly, they drew back. Elizabeth couldn't help it. She giggled. Her face was flushed with surprise. John looked smug._

'_Hello Lizzie-Beth.' Trying to look indignant, and failing as she couldn't help but smile, Elizabeth hit him on the shoulder._

'_That has got to be the worst thing anyone has ever called me.' Another smug look from John was seen briefly before he kissed her again. He ran his hand down her spine, she could feel her legs go weak._

'_John.' Her voice was muffled. Reluctantly she pulled away. 'We can't do this John.'_

'_Yes we can. Tonight anyway. Rodney is currently passed out on the gate room floor, Lorne is about to get jumped by every single nurse, or failing that every single male officer for a completely different reason, Teyla and Ronon disappeared who knows how long ago. Only Carson is completely sober. Besides, I thought you said that tonight was deemed officially "off the record". Anything that happens or is said tonight cannot be held against a person. Although I like what I'm holding right now.'_

'_That was the worst line you've ever said John.' He looked down at her. Those eyes were making her melt._

'_We have one chance Lizbeth. Don't take it away from us.' Elizabeth paused._

'_Well if you expect anything to happen on this balcony you have another thing coming.' His knees nearly gave way at her response. 'Let's walk. See where we end up.' John lent in for another kiss._

**_Elizabeth?_** Elizabeth's eyes snapped open at the sound of her name. She was going to _kill_ whoever it was that woke her up.

_**Lizbeth you awake?**_

'What is it with you and waking me up?'

**_I was bored_**. _He woke me up because he was _bored?? Elizabeth was incredulous. She was about to seduce the man and he was _bored_?? **_So what were you doing?_**

'I was asleep.'

_**Dreaming?**_

'So what if I was?'

_**What were you dreaming about?**_

'Well I was going to dream about something, before you so rudely woke me up. So let me get back to dreaming. It was just getting to the good part.'

_**Go on.**_

'My knight in shining armour was about to whisk me away to have his way with me.'

**_Oh really? And what did this "knight in shining armour" look like?_** Elizabeth pondered the question and smiled innocently, realising that John couldn't actually see her smiling.

'Kind of like Rodney.' She nearly laughed as John choked.

_**Rodney? Your knight in shining armour looks like Rodney?**_

'No. I just wanted to see, or rather hear, your response. Now be quiet so he can finish doing what he was doing to me.'

_**I'm not sure if I want him to finish. I mean surely you'll want someone to protect you from this man. Seeing as he is just going to have his way with you.**_

'Oh John, that's so sweet. You're jealous.'

_**Am not.**_

'Whatever you say John.' Elizabeth grinned. He was jealous. Of himself. Well his dream-self. She pondered her dream for a moment. Maybe having a party like that wouldn't be such a bad idea. She smiled as she felt herself begin to drift off again.

**_Elizabeth?_** She was going to kill him.

'What?'

_**I'm bored.**_

Fortunately, before Elizabeth could kill John, which in itself would have been interesting, seeing as the man was technically in her body anyway, Carson opened the curtains into Elizabeth's area of the infirmary.

'Carson'

**_Doc_**.

'Elizabeth, John, I think it's time you came back to work.'

'The machine?'

'Ready and waiting.'

'Fantastic.' Elizabeth was relieved. Finally she could be herself again. She moved to get out of the bed as Carson undid the wires connecting her to various machines. 'Carson?'

'Aye love, what's up?'

'Promise me you will never make me go off world for a holiday again.'


	22. All's Well that Ends Well

**Disclaimer **Not mine.

Here it is. Chapter Twenty-Two, the epilogue. Firstly: I had always intended for this story to follow straight into the episode Michael and we all know that sci-fi always leaves us begging for more, and never answers all the questions :P, so I figured I'd finish it this way, allowing you to create the future for the characters, also I was sooo tempted before I posted this to add a few more chapters, but I think the story would have dragged on too long. Secondly, stats wise this story finishes at approximately 33,100 words and 105 pages. Thank you and congratulations for getting through this. Thirdly, a huge thank you to every single reviewer. I know I've said this before but to have your reviews to read after each of my posts was just fantastic. I'm so happy that you have all enjoyed this, and that I have even persuaded some of you into liking body swap stories :D.

Before I rabbit on longer than the chapter itself, I give you the closing act of Perspectives. Once again thank you and please enjoy.

_Chapter Twenty-Two – All's Well that Ends Well_

John sighed. Compared to what had happened in the past week changing back had been boring. Elizabeth had threatened to kiss Carson, but seeing as the Medical Doctor was still in charge of her health and well being, she decided against it. However humorous it would be for her, she did not like the thought of very long, very sharp syringes being stuck anywhere on her person. Elizabeth herself was as fine as she ever was.

John's own body had returned to normal as soon as his consciousness had been placed back in it, and within days his body had broken down all traces of the womb within him. The only thing John had had to do was to give Carson a certain sample, simply to ensure that his manhood had not been damaged by the escapade. He was not planning on having to repeat _that_ test again anytime soon.

It was also odd to be in his room again. While he had been changed he had barely ventured into it. He rubbed his chin. Fortunately Elizabeth hadn't kept her word and had left the stubble, although now it was entering "wild man" status. He pondered getting up from his bed and shaving. That could wait. A little while at least. Instead he picked up his radio and simply listened to the chatter. Carson had given both of them a clean bill of health, and being Elizabeth, the leader had returned to work.

As he switched the stations he heard different voices. McKay yelling at Zelenka who had gone to get something to eat for the first time in three days, Zelenka yelling at McKay to let him eat for the first time in three days, Major Lorne letting Atlantis know that he was bringing the jumper in safe and sound from a routine fly around the planet, Doctor Novak letting Colonel Caldwell know that the Daedelus was ready to fly out, Colonel Caldwell letting the Daedelus know that they would do so once Elizabeth had caught back up with what had happened while she was out of commission. So many different conversations. Yet he couldn't find the one voice he wanted to hear.

There was a knock on his door.

'It's open.' He didn't even open his eyes as the door whooshed open.

'I see you are up and about. Obviously you can't wait to get back out there.' John smiled as Elizabeth spoke.

'I thought I'd give it another day or two. I trust Lorne.'

'I bet you do. Actually, I was wondering if you were ready to go on a mission.' This got John's attention. He opened his eyes and sat up.

'What kind of a mission?'

'Well Carson says his drug is ready to be tested, and I was thinking you might like to go on a Wraith hunt.'

'Let's see, option one, place myself in a life threatening situation, could be killed, or, option two, stay in bed for a couple more days contemplating whether or not I should shave.'

'Tough choice. But I shouldn't have to remind you that you are the head military officer.' Elizabeth sighed. 'I wish I could go with you.'

'I haven't said yes yet.' Elizabeth just raised an eyebrow. 'Why would you want to come with us to a slimy Wraith infested hive ship that could mean the end of your life literally at the hand of a Wraith?'

'Not so much the Wraith ship or anything, but for the first time I understand you. Flying that jumper was amazing. Albeit, I've not been in dire situations but to be actually going out there and doing something. Instead of staying here, not knowing if you are going to come back or not, not doing anything, it gets on my nerves.'

'Just because you aren't on the front line doesn't mean that you don't do anything. May I ask as to how you got the nuclear weapons from the Genii. Who went off world and got them?'

'I suppose.'

'And who came and rescued us from the hands of those psycho prisoners just off Olesia?'

'Okay okay I get your point. I just feel helpless sometimes.' John stood up and placed his hands on Elizabeth's shoulders.

'I'll get you your Wraith, and more than that I promise that we will come home safely.' Elizabeth smiled her thanks. It wasn't much. Promises here were very much like pie crusts. But for now it was enough. John shrugged as he opened the door and began to walk out into the hallway. 'Besides, after this last week a Wraith hunt would be a cake walk.'

'You sound like Rodney when you say that.' John pondered for a moment.

'That reminds me, I haven't eaten all day. Lunch?'

'Sounds good.' John fell into step beside her as they walked to the commissary. 'Um, John. About what happened.' Elizabeth sounded cautious.

'Yeah? What about it?'

'That day, in my bathroom. I'm…it's just that…'

'Hey, don't you remember?' Elizabeth looked blank. '_Doctor Beckett's Guide_ –'

'_To Resolving UST_.' Elizabeth joined in, laughing. For the moment at least, everything was alright. She stole a glance at her head military officer.

She had walked more than a mile in his boots. Now it was time to walk beside him. She let herself look at the man now walking in front of her.

Maybe she'd stay behind.

If only for the view.


End file.
